Before I start this post I want to issue a disclaimer that I really am a smart person. (Some of you are like hmm, I don't know about that girlfriend...) But on paper at least, I'm smart. I always got good grades, was in all the honors classes, got a pretty decent score on the act, graduated college with a 3.4, never studied, aced all my tests, I can whip out an academic paper in no time, read a lot of classical literature, have daily conversations about world politics... I think my brother put it best when he told me once that I'm book smart, but not really street smart...
It all started today when Josh and I were having a discussion about whether or not we should put our coffee table in storage so Cooper can have more room to move around and preferably not whack his head on it. Then I started to ponder why we have coffee tables in the first place, I told Josh, "Well it is kind of handy to put drinks on." And then out of the blue it dawned on me, at the age of 25, that it must be called a coffee table because that's where people set their coffee! Josh confirmed that yes, that's why it's called that, and then asked me how I aced calculus. Then I wondered how something like that could have possibly escaped my notice for a quarter of a century. Then I started to think of all the other ridiculous things I've been clueless about up to my mid twenties. So here are some of my major discoveries of the last three years since I've been married to Josh, though I'm sure my family can attest that this has been going on for much longer.
One day while driving past Sugar House Park I informed Josh that Utah's state bird is the seagull and then asked him what Minnesota's state bird is.
Josh: The loon
Paige: No, that must be your state duck, or your state animal or something. What's your state bird?
Josh: The loon
Paige: No, that's a duck
Josh: Ducks ARE birds
Paige: Nooo... Wait what?
Josh: What do you think a duck is?
Paige: It's an animal
Josh: Well yes, but more specifically it's a bird
Paige: No, it's poultry
Josh: Poultry are birds
Paige: So you mean to tell me that chickens and turkeys and geese and ducks and all of those things are birds too?
Josh: Paige they have WINGS
Paige: Well ya but they can't fly...
Josh: Yes they can fly! Have you ever been duck hunting? Of course not- have you ever played duck hunt?
Long story short, we got home, googled it (or I googled it while Josh stared at me in horror) and it turns out- ducks are birds I guess.
Apparently ducks are a confusing area for me. One night on the phone with Josh's parents they told us about the wood duck house they had built. We got off the phone and I asked Josh what a wood duck looked like.
Josh: What do you mean?
Paige: Well how is it different from an actual duck?
Josh: What do you mean an actual duck?
Paige: You know, like a normal duck.
Josh: A normal duck?
Paige: Those green headed guys.
Josh: A mallard?
Paige: A what?
Josh: Paige do you understand what a species is?
Paige: .... So there's no such thing as just a regular duck?
Josh: No honey
Last one of the farm animals category (which I guess I never cared to learn much basic information about.) One day while driving to my grandparent's house I was looking out the window and saw some strange animals.
Paige: What kind of animals are those?
Josh: Are you serious? They're cows. Have you never seen a cow before?
Paige: Obviously I've seen a cow. Cows are black and white spots. These things are just brown and black.
Josh: Black and white cows are dairy cows, there are different kinds of cows. Maybe your grandparents have some little kid book about farm animals you can read when we get there.
One time Josh and I stopped at In N Out. We ordered, sat down, and I started reading a brochure at the table. On the back of the brochure there was an order form to fill out and mail in and a place to put your money. I casually remarked out loud "Who would want to order a hamburger by mail? It'd be cold and gross by the time it got there." Josh was already walking towards the counter to get our food. He stopped, turned around, stared at me for a while, and then came back to the table to point out the t-shirts and hats and other memorabilia on the front of the brochure and explained that you would be ordering a t-shirt by mail, not a hamburger.
One time we were driving and I saw a sign for a ten dollar tire rotation. I said to Josh "Who would pay ten dollars for that? Your tires rotate every time you drive." Josh tried to explain it for a while and then ultimately had to draw me a diagram of what tire rotation was.
One day Josh was telling me about a relative of his who was a merchant marine.
Paige: Wow that's so cool. You have to be really strong to be a merchant marine.
Josh: Well I don't really know about that, you mostly have to know about ships.
Paige: No you're thinking of the navy, the marines are on land.
Josh: Paige, what do you think a merchant marine is?
Paige: Someone who is in the marines and I don't really know about the merchant part- maybe they sell stuff?
One day I was frustrated on the computer.
Paige: Ugh I can't find what I'm looking for
Josh: What are you looking for?
Paige: DIY stuff, it's always so cute.
Josh: What?
Paige: DIY makes like crafts and home good stuff and their stuff is always super cute but I can't find their website. Have you ever seen any DIY stores?
Josh: Do you think it's a brand or something? DIY stands for do it yourself.
Paige: Oh... Everything makes so much more sense now.
One night at a dinner party with friends, unfortunately really smart friends I might add, one of them was telling us about his mission in Romania and all of the problems he encountered with gypsies. I listened to the conversation for a while, so many questions running through my mind, until I finally asked, "So.... Gypsies are real people?" Everyone just stared. "I thought they were mythical, like unicorns."
And the absolute, most humiliating for last. One day I was home alone and saw a creepy weird-looking bug on the floor. I freaked out, slammed a pot down over the top of it, and then piled a bunch of books on top so it couldn't escape. I text Josh at work to tell him there was a gross, horrifying bug in our apartment that I trapped under a pot and to please kill it when he got home. Josh asked what kind of bug and I told him I had never seen this kind of bug before, it must be some sort of exotic cross-breed. Later that night I came home from work and the pot was gone but the scary bug was still on the floor!
Paige: Why didn't you kill that thing?!
Josh: I wanted you to look at it first.
Paige: No way! I'm not going near it! It's red and it had a billion legs like a centipede!
Josh: Just trust me, go look at it.
It was a french fry.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Happy Tuesday
This Tuesday has actually gone pretty well so far! Cooper has fought his naps to the death and then after finally succumbing to sleep, they were still super short, but that happens every day. Josh's mom said Josh would never nap when he was little and she would eventually fall asleep in his bed while he ran around the room. I feel like it might be genetic, somewhere between the 18th and 19th chromosome there is an I-hate-napping marker in the Beach DNA. I am in for some seriously long and tiring days in the future. Even though Cooper has been relatively pleasant, aside from rolling himself under the coffee table and getting stuck there (should I get rid of my coffee table?), Tuesday's are still hard for me! I really rely on reinforcements arriving promptly at 5:15 pm. I would absolutely die if Josh traveled for work, or worked really long hours, or both. Lots of people parent by themselves all day and all night long and they are my heroes! I am not that great and have to remind myself to think happy thoughts each Tuesday. Such as...
- Tonight I am painting our kitchen. This will be the third room (in our rental) that we've painted. I know it's silly to put work into a place you're renting but yet you live there, it's your home technically, so I don't really know where to draw the line. About once a week I get the urge to grab a hammer and do something crazy like install some recess lighting and then I remember that I'm renting and by the time I own anything I'm going to be 85 and I'll be buying a room in a nursing home. And I don't think they let you re-do those either. So essentially I'm screwed. Forever. But I hope the paint job will take the edge off for a little while.
- Cooper is growing some hair! About three hairs to be precise. But I see everything through crazy mommy goggles so I'm pretty sure they're the most beautiful three hairs I've ever seen and he should probably be in a shampoo commercial.
I like to sit and rub his luscious locks between my fingers.
- I made some strides on my people pleasing front! I asked for my casserole dish back! And it only took me four months to pluck up the courage. And I ended a relationship that had been bothering me for a long time. So I am a happy girl with my favorite baking dish finally wending it's way back to me.
- My doctor while I was pregnant was sort of insensitive about my weight gain, or more likely he was normal and I was just extra sensitive. One particular appointment he was marveling at how much weight I had gained that month and I started to cry. He looked up from his chart with the terrified-why-is-this-pregnant-woman-crying face that I got a lot and said, "Well you were pretty small when you started out so it's not a huge problem that you're gaining so much weight." My heart leapt for joy at these uncharacteristically kind words and I stopped crying and said, "Ya I guess so." Then he returned to his chart and said, "Ya you'll never see that number on the scale again." Resume tears. So he was nice for all of about 30 seconds but guess what Dr. Lamb??? I saw it last week sucker! Josh asked me if I was going to go back into his office and yell boo-yeah. I think I should. And to top it off, I found one pair of pants that escaped my angry purge a few months back.
- I am SO excited to hike this summer. So excited. Last year my feet were baby seal pups all summer. The year before that I was in hot, flat Texas. (Josh and I have an ongoing argument about whether it's considered hiking if it's not up a mountain. I say it's not, otherwise it's just a walk.) I want to go every week this summer! So if anyone has better baby carrying ideas than the baby bjorn, I'd happily take your suggestions. Are baby bjorns just for smaller babies or am I wearing it wrong? Last time I put Cooper in it I about fell over dead.
- I finally got some overnight diapers for Coop and I haven't washed his bedding all week! Wahoo! They are amazing! And as a side note, it's probably nice for Cooper not to have to sleep soaking wet in his own urine. Poor buddy.
- And finally- this beauty pageant contestant's talent performance. Thank you lady for entertaining me!
Happy Tuesday!
Friday, February 22, 2013
Six Months
Happy half birthday little stinker! I was fully intending to throw him a half birthday party until I realized that if I made him half a cake, Josh and I would be the ones who wound up eating it. Maybe I'll put a candle in his squash instead.
Some new experiences this month:
Teething! Ah teething is THE worst! It might even be worse than the newborn weeks! (Ok I probably have amnesia about that) but seriously yuck! Why didn't someone warn me about teething?! Actually I could have used a warning about a lot of things. I think there is a group of women out there whose job it is to silence the truth about children. The first week of Cooper's life I told Josh that I felt like someone promised to take me to Disneyland and then dropped me off at the state fair instead, and I was like wait a minute- everyone promised me Disneyland! So I will be a truth teller- teething will turn your kids into rotten monsters. And I'll let you know if someone comes by to destroy my computer later. Their group is probably headed by Liam Neeson and they're probably called the league of truth destruction or something like that.
Cooper gives kisses! Sort of... They're a little less actual human kisses and more so Cooper Kisses. He grabs a fistful of my hair in each hand and yanks my face towards his and then just goes to town chewing on my face. He is a really strong little dude too and you have to use like brute force to get him off your face. I feel bad being so rough with him, so I usually find Josh and mutter out of the corner of my mouth that isn't encompassed by Cooper's mouth to help me please, there's a Cooper on my face. And whenever I see him do this to an unwilling relative they look at me with sheer panic on their face at the amount of drool that's now entering their nostrils and I just say, "Ooohhh you're getting a Cooper Kiss!" Coopy looooooves kisses!
Separation anxiety! Pre-child Paige, or idiot Paige, used to think it would be so sweet that a baby would cry when you left the room and stop crying when you came back, aw so precious. Fast forward to Cooper having to watch me pee. Suddenly, it's not so cute. It's partly my fault, I could just let him cry for a minute like a normal person but I hate listening to him cry, so I take him with me to the bathroom and he lays on the rug and licks my feet while I pee.
Cooper's new favorite things are his feet. He finally realized they are there and he just loves them. The other morning he was trying to use his feet to hold his bottle! Pretty tricky! I tried to get a picture of it but every time I grabbed my camera he would get distracted looking at the camera and he would stop doing it. He just loves to stare at, eat and touch his feet. He's also very fascinated by his socks. Whenever he has socks on, he spends the whole day pulling on them until eventually he yanks them off and puts them in his mouth.
Cooper figured out another new trick that entertains him to no end- opening and closing his fists! He loves to sit and watch himself do it. The other day in the car he had been pretty quiet in the backseat for a while so I peeked in the mirror at him and he was just sitting there watching both of his fists open and close.
Cooper has also grown to love tummy time. He used to hate it but I would make him do it twice a day like the pediatrician told me to and he would just lay there and cry the whole time. Tummy time was traumatic. Now whenever I set him down on his back he flips around to his tummy immediately and then uses his arms to move himself around. He can cover quite a bit of ground for someone that can't crawl yet. We learned that lesson the hard way when Josh left his turkey sandwich and Cooper in the same room.
Cooper has become quite the little scientist. He experiments with everything. He bangs his fists all over his high chair until he finds just the right spot that makes the most noise. He does the same thing with his legs, kicks his legs in circles until he finds something hard to kick on. He loves to lay and kick his toys. He also loves to fling a toy across the room and watch me go and get it for him. I'm trying hard not to have hurt feelings about that one. I know he's just experimenting with cause and effect but on the other hand, it seems like kind of a vindictive thing to do. Mean Coop.
Cooper's laugh gets louder, cuter, and more frequent every month. He laughs at everything now! And it is the most adorable sound ever. He still laughs at getting tickled, teased, sung to, danced with, thrown up and down, but more and more he laughs at the simplest things now. He laughs when I make kiss noises, he laughs when I sing rockabye baby (which isn't funny because I'm usually trying to get him to sleep.) I took him to one of Josh's work meetings and there was another baby there and Cooper would just look at the baby and then laugh his head off. It was so stinking cute. It was a really young baby that wasn't interacting with Cooper at all but Cooper laughed for a good half an hour at that kid. I am really, really going to miss when I can't make my son burst into a fit of laughter just by saying "oh my goodness, sweet potatoes."
Usually in all these pictures Coop looks like a major crank, but the smiling pictures he's moving his arms and legs so he's just a big blur. Someone needs to teach me how to take high speed action shots. Also someone needs to teach me how to draw on a chalkboard. In return I can teach you how to eat a lot of potato chips. It's a rare talent I'd be willing to share.
Some new experiences this month:
Teething! Ah teething is THE worst! It might even be worse than the newborn weeks! (Ok I probably have amnesia about that) but seriously yuck! Why didn't someone warn me about teething?! Actually I could have used a warning about a lot of things. I think there is a group of women out there whose job it is to silence the truth about children. The first week of Cooper's life I told Josh that I felt like someone promised to take me to Disneyland and then dropped me off at the state fair instead, and I was like wait a minute- everyone promised me Disneyland! So I will be a truth teller- teething will turn your kids into rotten monsters. And I'll let you know if someone comes by to destroy my computer later. Their group is probably headed by Liam Neeson and they're probably called the league of truth destruction or something like that.
Cooper gives kisses! Sort of... They're a little less actual human kisses and more so Cooper Kisses. He grabs a fistful of my hair in each hand and yanks my face towards his and then just goes to town chewing on my face. He is a really strong little dude too and you have to use like brute force to get him off your face. I feel bad being so rough with him, so I usually find Josh and mutter out of the corner of my mouth that isn't encompassed by Cooper's mouth to help me please, there's a Cooper on my face. And whenever I see him do this to an unwilling relative they look at me with sheer panic on their face at the amount of drool that's now entering their nostrils and I just say, "Ooohhh you're getting a Cooper Kiss!" Coopy looooooves kisses!
Separation anxiety! Pre-child Paige, or idiot Paige, used to think it would be so sweet that a baby would cry when you left the room and stop crying when you came back, aw so precious. Fast forward to Cooper having to watch me pee. Suddenly, it's not so cute. It's partly my fault, I could just let him cry for a minute like a normal person but I hate listening to him cry, so I take him with me to the bathroom and he lays on the rug and licks my feet while I pee.
Cooper's new favorite things are his feet. He finally realized they are there and he just loves them. The other morning he was trying to use his feet to hold his bottle! Pretty tricky! I tried to get a picture of it but every time I grabbed my camera he would get distracted looking at the camera and he would stop doing it. He just loves to stare at, eat and touch his feet. He's also very fascinated by his socks. Whenever he has socks on, he spends the whole day pulling on them until eventually he yanks them off and puts them in his mouth.
Cooper figured out another new trick that entertains him to no end- opening and closing his fists! He loves to sit and watch himself do it. The other day in the car he had been pretty quiet in the backseat for a while so I peeked in the mirror at him and he was just sitting there watching both of his fists open and close.
Cooper has also grown to love tummy time. He used to hate it but I would make him do it twice a day like the pediatrician told me to and he would just lay there and cry the whole time. Tummy time was traumatic. Now whenever I set him down on his back he flips around to his tummy immediately and then uses his arms to move himself around. He can cover quite a bit of ground for someone that can't crawl yet. We learned that lesson the hard way when Josh left his turkey sandwich and Cooper in the same room.
Cooper has become quite the little scientist. He experiments with everything. He bangs his fists all over his high chair until he finds just the right spot that makes the most noise. He does the same thing with his legs, kicks his legs in circles until he finds something hard to kick on. He loves to lay and kick his toys. He also loves to fling a toy across the room and watch me go and get it for him. I'm trying hard not to have hurt feelings about that one. I know he's just experimenting with cause and effect but on the other hand, it seems like kind of a vindictive thing to do. Mean Coop.
Cooper's laugh gets louder, cuter, and more frequent every month. He laughs at everything now! And it is the most adorable sound ever. He still laughs at getting tickled, teased, sung to, danced with, thrown up and down, but more and more he laughs at the simplest things now. He laughs when I make kiss noises, he laughs when I sing rockabye baby (which isn't funny because I'm usually trying to get him to sleep.) I took him to one of Josh's work meetings and there was another baby there and Cooper would just look at the baby and then laugh his head off. It was so stinking cute. It was a really young baby that wasn't interacting with Cooper at all but Cooper laughed for a good half an hour at that kid. I am really, really going to miss when I can't make my son burst into a fit of laughter just by saying "oh my goodness, sweet potatoes."
Usually in all these pictures Coop looks like a major crank, but the smiling pictures he's moving his arms and legs so he's just a big blur. Someone needs to teach me how to take high speed action shots. Also someone needs to teach me how to draw on a chalkboard. In return I can teach you how to eat a lot of potato chips. It's a rare talent I'd be willing to share.
The start of trouble...
Yep, got it.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Gutentag Dienstag
Sigh. Even by Tuesday standards this day has already given me a run for my money. My little man who usually sleeps 10-12 hours straight every single night, was up from 4 to 5:30 a.m. last night with intermittent crying the rest of the night. This morning he woke up soaked in so much pee that literally his whole body was drenched from his neck to his feet. We went for a walk to the grocery store and he bawled the whole way there and back. As soon as I got out of the shower and put on clean clothes I picked Cooper up and he barfed down the back of my neck... I'm pretty sure Cooper is teething. Or at least I seriously seriously hope with a desperate fervor that he's teething and hasn't just turned into a demon for no good reason. The drool. The biting. The FUSSINESS. The crying while the spoon touches his gums but still wanting the food so bawling during his whole meal. Each morning I don't see a little tooth poking through I want to cry. Plus my little binkie boy one day decided he hated binkies and now the only thing I can get him to suck/chew on to provide a few moments of relief is his bottle. No teething rings, no fruit feeder with cold fruit, no binkie, no frozen washcloths. Just his bottle, and he is only happy when he has it.
Yikes he has been fussy. And usually he hardly ever cries (like really never) so my cry-tolerance is very very low. Plus I was reading some info on teething and I keep reading utter CRAP that says "lots of babies aren't even bothered by teething." Oh really? Do these babies also fly and have super powers that they use to fight crime? That has to be a lie, and if it's not please don't tell me.
Anyway I better start my happy list quick before I get too riled up at these magical other babies who love teething...
- I had an absolutely wonderful 4 day weekend with my husband. Which means I also slept in 4 days in a row. Amazing. I also took a weekend off from my maquiladora tendencies and we sat around being lazy and it was so so nice. One night I thought I heard a knock on the door and we sat there and fought about who had to get up off the couch and go check, after a few minutes we decided if there was someone there, they were most likely gone by now. Then we decided that whoever it was might have left us cookies so we jumped up to go see. No cookies. :( But the possibility was definitely worth getting off the couch for.
- My cousins were in town! And I got to hear a hilarious story about my little cousins setting up a trip-wire outside my grandparents house over Christmas, forgetting about it, and tripping my poor grandpa who fell flat on his face one day while getting the paper.
- I watched one of my favorite movies this weekend and actually got to watch the whole thing! Thanks teething for making my little guy tired enough to go to bed at 8!
Also I feel like my favorite movie list qualifies me a weirdo. Lars and The Real Girl, Waking Ned Divine, Little Miss Sunshine... Luckily I found another like-minded weirdo to share my life with or I would be in deep trouble I think.
- Coop's first little man shirt-
He got it for Valentine's Day and speaking of...
- I had a wonderful Valentine's Day even though we didn't have a babysitter to sit our baby. Every year for Valentine's, Josh and I used to go to a nice, romantic restaurant and eat our weight in crab legs and come back home and have chocolate fondue for dessert by candelight. Um... bye bye romantic Valentine's dates and hello hauling your baby to Five Guys while you take turns snarfing your burger while the other person feeds Cooper.
Ready to mommy judge me? I don't think holidays with babies are really all that super fun honestly. I think holiday things will become a lot more fun when Cooper gets older and we can spend Valentine's decorating sugar cookies or making some Valentine's for daddy but for now we have to sort of take Coop along with the adult holiday plans and Cooper's usually not too crazy about whatever those are.
Anyway after our romantic hamburger dinner, instead of dessert, we went to the store to get Cooper some better bibs and some bigger pajamas (this kid wearing 9 month clothes at 6 months- I don't really think he's THAT fat, I'm pretty sure everything I buy is just marked wrong.) Ha! Our lives have taken quite the turn these days. We traded in king crab legs for feeding Cooper one handed while trying eat with the other. But whenever I start to miss my old Valentine's days or have a really rotten Tuesday, Cooper laughs or smiles or something else I find completely, overwhelmingly adorable, and I remember that even though my shirt is covered in someone else's vomit- it's totally worth it.
Happy Tuesday!
Thursday, February 14, 2013
30 things you might not know about Josh
In honor of Valentine's Day, I've compiled a list of 30 things you might not know about Josh. Why 30? Because he is turning 30 next month.... sucker! Also in full disclosure, I stole this idea from Shawnee's blog and her cute post about Richard. So here you go:
1. Josh speaks fluent Spanish. Most people don't know this because in his words, "I don't say hola to everyone who has a tan."
2. Josh used to play the symbols in the marching band. And any family members who might be reading this and have visual proof of it, I'm pretty sure I would give my left leg to see a picture of this.
3. Josh used to play the drums and has amazing rythmn.
4. Josh loves to play raquetball.
5. Josh is incredible at Trivial Pursuit. He remembers every little fact he's ever heard.
6. Josh loves snow and cold and hates the heat. Hates the heat. I repeat- haaaaates the heat. I had to caddle prod him out of the house when we lived in Texas.
7. Josh is scared of heights, snakes, and hurricanes.
8. Josh legitimately doesn't care about getting gifts. The only thing I've ever gotten him that he even came close to being excited about was a lego set.
9. Josh will flip out if you accidentally touch his glasses. He is very protective of his glasses.
10. Josh gets distracted VERY easily and wanders off in every store. I can't even count the number of times, I stopped for a second to look at something, put it in the cart next to me, and then realized that I just put my food in a stranger's cart and Josh is on the other side of the store.
11. Josh has always weighed 130 pounds, and probably always will weigh 130 pounds. He hates the gym, never exercises, and has naturally super toned muscles and no body fat. I hate it.
12. Josh doens't like junk food or soda.
13. Josh loves white carbs and milk. Really loves milk. He always drinks a glass in an entire gulp.
14. Conversely, Josh is a little lactose intolerant and won't admit it,
15. Josh is a know it all! Actually most of you probably do know this one. But most of the time he's right so I just let it slide.
16. School does not come easily to Josh. Yet he is getting his master's degree, he is an excellent writer, and he loves to learn.
17. Josh can't even count how many times he's moved. He's lived in 6 different states, and 1 foreign country.
18. Josh has abnormally large feet. He calls them his skis.
19. Speaking of skis, Josh loves to ski. And gets very offended if you ask him exactly where in Minnesota did you ever go skiing. Utahns, google Buck Hill in Minnesota I dare you. You will laugh your heads off. When we were driving into MN for the first time I saw a teeny tiny mole hill with some lights on it and I thought it was a sledding hill for children and I jokingly said to Josh, "Oh is that your ski resort?!" Yup, it was.
20. Josh LOVES Minnesota. Understatement of the year.
21. Josh will forget to eat meals if no one reminds him.
22. Josh knows quite a lot about fixing cars.
23. Josh hates anything moisturizing, lotion, chapstick, conditioner... One night in bed my lotion bottle exploded as I was trying to get some out and absolutely covered Josh's whole head. I thought he was going to cry.
24. Josh hates Ikea more than anywhere else on the planet.
25. Josh won't eat sloppy joes because one time his mom made some for a party and they had a ton of leftovers to eat and now he won't eat them ever again.
26. Josh always wears at least 2 t-shirts at the same time.
27. Josh really wants to travel to Cuba.
28. Josh never gets sick.
29. Josh can have a full on coherent conversation with you and be totally asleep the whole time. And he falls asleep in about 3 seconds so we'll be talking (awake) and then by the next response he'll be asleep. So we'll be having a normal conversation and then my next answer from him will be something like "Ya I can do that. Do you want an oil change too?"
30. The best for last- Josh has extremely hairy toes.
1. Josh speaks fluent Spanish. Most people don't know this because in his words, "I don't say hola to everyone who has a tan."
2. Josh used to play the symbols in the marching band. And any family members who might be reading this and have visual proof of it, I'm pretty sure I would give my left leg to see a picture of this.
3. Josh used to play the drums and has amazing rythmn.
4. Josh loves to play raquetball.
5. Josh is incredible at Trivial Pursuit. He remembers every little fact he's ever heard.
6. Josh loves snow and cold and hates the heat. Hates the heat. I repeat- haaaaates the heat. I had to caddle prod him out of the house when we lived in Texas.
7. Josh is scared of heights, snakes, and hurricanes.
8. Josh legitimately doesn't care about getting gifts. The only thing I've ever gotten him that he even came close to being excited about was a lego set.
9. Josh will flip out if you accidentally touch his glasses. He is very protective of his glasses.
10. Josh gets distracted VERY easily and wanders off in every store. I can't even count the number of times, I stopped for a second to look at something, put it in the cart next to me, and then realized that I just put my food in a stranger's cart and Josh is on the other side of the store.
11. Josh has always weighed 130 pounds, and probably always will weigh 130 pounds. He hates the gym, never exercises, and has naturally super toned muscles and no body fat. I hate it.
12. Josh doens't like junk food or soda.
13. Josh loves white carbs and milk. Really loves milk. He always drinks a glass in an entire gulp.
14. Conversely, Josh is a little lactose intolerant and won't admit it,
15. Josh is a know it all! Actually most of you probably do know this one. But most of the time he's right so I just let it slide.
16. School does not come easily to Josh. Yet he is getting his master's degree, he is an excellent writer, and he loves to learn.
17. Josh can't even count how many times he's moved. He's lived in 6 different states, and 1 foreign country.
18. Josh has abnormally large feet. He calls them his skis.
19. Speaking of skis, Josh loves to ski. And gets very offended if you ask him exactly where in Minnesota did you ever go skiing. Utahns, google Buck Hill in Minnesota I dare you. You will laugh your heads off. When we were driving into MN for the first time I saw a teeny tiny mole hill with some lights on it and I thought it was a sledding hill for children and I jokingly said to Josh, "Oh is that your ski resort?!" Yup, it was.
20. Josh LOVES Minnesota. Understatement of the year.
21. Josh will forget to eat meals if no one reminds him.
22. Josh knows quite a lot about fixing cars.
23. Josh hates anything moisturizing, lotion, chapstick, conditioner... One night in bed my lotion bottle exploded as I was trying to get some out and absolutely covered Josh's whole head. I thought he was going to cry.
24. Josh hates Ikea more than anywhere else on the planet.
25. Josh won't eat sloppy joes because one time his mom made some for a party and they had a ton of leftovers to eat and now he won't eat them ever again.
26. Josh always wears at least 2 t-shirts at the same time.
27. Josh really wants to travel to Cuba.
28. Josh never gets sick.
29. Josh can have a full on coherent conversation with you and be totally asleep the whole time. And he falls asleep in about 3 seconds so we'll be talking (awake) and then by the next response he'll be asleep. So we'll be having a normal conversation and then my next answer from him will be something like "Ya I can do that. Do you want an oil change too?"
30. The best for last- Josh has extremely hairy toes.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
On being a people pleaser...
Sometimes I wish I was more like a little kid and when I didn't like someone I could simply shove them down on the playground. It's really the best conflict resolution when you think about it, you tell the kid to eat that fake bark the playgrounds are always lined with, they get a clear idea of how you feel, and you move on. Instead I find myself, the people pleasing idiot, trying to get the person I really want to shove down on the playground to like me. It's this bizarre thing where the ruder someone is to me, the nicer I become to them. It sounds all sweet and kind of me but really all it does is teach this person that this is an acceptable way to treat me. And while yes, Jesus was kind to everyone, he also wasn't afraid to give people the what for. Surely there is some middle ground between being a pusher and being a doormat?
I feel like I really want to be less golden rule, and a lot more this---
My dad used to read me a story about Big Bird and Ernie. Ernie complained a lot and got every one's sympathy and attention and Big Bird would say, "Nobody cares about me, just Ernie, Ernie, Ernie." Now the moral of the story was to not be jealous, but I always wanted to tell Ernie to put on his big boy pants and get over it. Just because Ernie was having a bad day doesn't mean that it was ok for him to be rude to Big Bird. Why does the person that acts out always get catered to while the person that is nice and does the right thing gets walked all over? Maybe I should start being more like irritating Ernie and less like nice, stupid Big Bird.
It sounds like a terrible goal- to be less nice to rude people, but I'm sick of getting walked all over all the time and never sticking up for myself. Life has taught me to be your own advocate, you can't wait for someone else to stick up for you, you have to take care of yourself and teach others how you will and won't be treated.
So for starters, I'm going to ask the people I took dinner to to please give me back my casserole dish. I only have one in that size, I use it all the time, it's been like 2 months, and I would like it back. So watch out accidental casserole dish thieves.
And the next time someone comes up to me and tells me that I need to buy my baby special shampoo so that he can grow hair, I'm going to tell that person that my bald baby is perfect the way he is and I wouldn't change a thing about him. So watch out nosy strangers.
And most of all, I'm going to start putting into relationships what I get out of them. No more unequal balance. And if someone acts like they don't want a relationship with me, then that's exactly what they're going to get. So watch out Ernie! Big Bird is on to you....
I feel like I really want to be less golden rule, and a lot more this---
My dad used to read me a story about Big Bird and Ernie. Ernie complained a lot and got every one's sympathy and attention and Big Bird would say, "Nobody cares about me, just Ernie, Ernie, Ernie." Now the moral of the story was to not be jealous, but I always wanted to tell Ernie to put on his big boy pants and get over it. Just because Ernie was having a bad day doesn't mean that it was ok for him to be rude to Big Bird. Why does the person that acts out always get catered to while the person that is nice and does the right thing gets walked all over? Maybe I should start being more like irritating Ernie and less like nice, stupid Big Bird.
It sounds like a terrible goal- to be less nice to rude people, but I'm sick of getting walked all over all the time and never sticking up for myself. Life has taught me to be your own advocate, you can't wait for someone else to stick up for you, you have to take care of yourself and teach others how you will and won't be treated.
So for starters, I'm going to ask the people I took dinner to to please give me back my casserole dish. I only have one in that size, I use it all the time, it's been like 2 months, and I would like it back. So watch out accidental casserole dish thieves.
And the next time someone comes up to me and tells me that I need to buy my baby special shampoo so that he can grow hair, I'm going to tell that person that my bald baby is perfect the way he is and I wouldn't change a thing about him. So watch out nosy strangers.
And most of all, I'm going to start putting into relationships what I get out of them. No more unequal balance. And if someone acts like they don't want a relationship with me, then that's exactly what they're going to get. So watch out Ernie! Big Bird is on to you....
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Bueno Martes
Things that made me happy this LONG Tuesday:
The other day my mom came over to hang out with Cooper while I ran some errands. My sheets were in the wash because Cooper had taken his morning nap in my bed and peed all over my sheets.
(Maybe he was grinning as he peed)
Anyway my awesome mom made my bed while I was gone and when I got back she asked me what size my bed was. I told her and asked why, thinking she was just curious, and she said, "I think someone might be getting new sheets for Valentine's day." Ha! I guess my sheets are icky.
My weekend craft FAIL:
It looks like a clock from Ken and Barbie's dream house.
In my defense I saw a mint green clock at Ikea. So this monstrosity is really their fault. They owe me a new clock. Those dirty rotten Swedes...
Maybe one day Pretty Clock.
I lost another pound this week even though I made a giant batch of muddy buddies and didn't go to the gym. I guess I really lucked out. Also I always see people I know when I'm out walking around the grocery store with chocolate and potato chips. They should make decoy carts filled with healthy food that you can just push around and then swap it out for your real food at the check out counter.
The fact that my friend and I spent all last night making sure we sent everyone a baby shower invitation and didn't realize until today that we forgot to send one to the person the shower is for. Oops.
I ate Cafe Rio today.
That Cooper sometimes snuggles me now. And by snuggle I mean holds still for about 45 seconds. Ooohh! He just loves me SO much!
That Cooper is loving games more and more. He is finally excited about the anticipation of getting tickled and teased. He is just fun! I wish I could freeze time and have him be a baby forever (but not a newborn.) Also would I be quite so ptsd about newborns if Cooper hadn't had terrible acid reflux? Maybe other newborns just sleep and make their mothers pancakes. Who knows....
Happy Tuesday!
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Saturday is a Special Day
Saturdays make me crazy. I always save up all the stuff I don't have time for during the week, which is a lot, and tell myself I'll do it all on Saturday. Unfortunately by the time Saturday rolls around there's no human way that my ever snowballing list will ever get done. I guess I could stop eating and bathing? That might help my time situation. Every weekend Josh claims I turn our house into a maquiladora.
*Speaking of my funny husband, once we were at the gym and the Kardashian's were on tv and I said something about one of them and Josh was like "no that one's Kloe." So since then I give him a hard time about his extensive knowledge of the Kardashian's. Today it came up again somehow and Josh told me that he's the one that edits their wikipedia page. Always amusing that guy.
One of my to-do's was to go to Ikea and check out highchairs and this is all just really an excuse to post pictures of Coop in his brand new little boy highchair. And to show off this adorable picture I picked up for Coop's room, his room is grey and yellow with elephants so I had a mini fit when I saw this and HAD to have it.
*Speaking of my funny husband, once we were at the gym and the Kardashian's were on tv and I said something about one of them and Josh was like "no that one's Kloe." So since then I give him a hard time about his extensive knowledge of the Kardashian's. Today it came up again somehow and Josh told me that he's the one that edits their wikipedia page. Always amusing that guy.
One of my to-do's was to go to Ikea and check out highchairs and this is all just really an excuse to post pictures of Coop in his brand new little boy highchair. And to show off this adorable picture I picked up for Coop's room, his room is grey and yellow with elephants so I had a mini fit when I saw this and HAD to have it.
Precious.
I was sort of on the fence about my highchair purchase but then we stopped in the restaurant at Ikea (because we were there for roughly 3 years) and they had those highchairs in the restaurant so we were able to try them out. They also sold jars of baby food which is pure genius and something every restaurant should do. Coop had a very enjoyable entire jar of carrots so we decided to get it. He then pooped those carrots in his sleep and covered himself, his pajamas, his swaddle blanket, and his sheet all in bright orange, chunky carrot poo. Carrot poops are the worst.
An improvement over trying to feed him in his bouncy chair while he holds both of his feet----
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Happy Tuesdays
So Tuesdays are my least favorite days. Josh has a three hour class right after work so it's Coop vs. Mama all day and all night. And somehow Cooper always wins every battle. I am convinced that Cooper wakes up every Tuesday morning determined to get the better of me. Every Tuesday he flips a switch and decides not to nap, never to play by himself, to demand to be held constantly, and to urinate on everything he sees. Maybe it's a slow and subtle revenge for having to eat mashed up green beans and lay on the floor all the time. I predict tonight I will be falling asleep in my clothes and missing several chunks of hair (I should clarify that they will be ripped out by Cooper, not by me. The other day Cooper ripped a big chunk out of the front of my hair and basically gave me bangs. I guess he's pretty much like a sassy black lady, always getting in fights and ripping out my weave...)
Anyway, I am instituting Happy Tuesdays in which I list things that cheer me up.
Anyway, I am instituting Happy Tuesdays in which I list things that cheer me up.
- I am 2 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight and 6 pounds away from goal weight. Awesome news when you consider how much I love food. Though a few months ago I did have a bit of an angry meltdown and gave away 3 bags of clothes that I thought would never fit again so now I have nothing to wear. I even threw away all my non-maternity underwear. So... yay for losing weight and boo to rash decisions...
- I am finally back up to running 30 minutes without my incision hurting and it feels fantastic. I may not be a marathon runner but a quick 3 miles 3 times a week is all I need.
- This story: When I was having Cooper my aunt in Idaho Falls was keeping her two girls, ages 4 and 7 informed of my progress. When they found out I needed to have a c-section my aunt told her girls that I had to have surgery and they needed to say a prayer for me (which by the way is the most adorable thing ever.) The 4 year old started bawling and asked her mom, "But why can't she just poop him out?!" Hilarious. But it gets even better. Then the 7 year old answered instead and said, "No dummy, you have 3 holes down there." Hahaha that story makes me laugh all the time. I LOVE those girls.
- This story: When I was pregnant and had extremely swollen feet, we were having a family dinner and my uncle said, "Did somebody tell Paige she can take her moon boots off?" Hahaha I love my funny family.
- The fact that my sweet husband spent Saturday helping me make crafts. Which by the way did not turn out very well. I was trying to make some cute, fun plates for us and Josh thought I was making little kid plates and said, "Oh those are perfect for Cooper!" I just went along with it and pretended that yes, I made them for little kids. Why do I suck at crafts so much.
So Happy Tuesday everyone! Wish me luck in my battle with this little generalissimo.
Friday, February 1, 2013
My time in MN and TX
I started this blog when I was pregnant so that out of town relatives could see my bloated face and hippo feet and then later see pictures of the baby. I didn't blog much while I was pregnant, because obviously I was too busy peeing my pants as the whole world knows by now. And since everyone seems to be so entertained by these stories, let me share another one really quick- Most of the time when I had these "accidents" I was fully clothed and my underwear was able to absorb most of the damage. However one time I was getting ready for work, had just hopped out of the shower and was blow drying my hair naked (I was in a hurry to get to work) when I happened to sneeze and pee. I had to get back in the shower while Josh had to come clean up the floor.
Anyway I wish I had started blogging sooner because Josh and I had a lot of crazy adventures back in the day when I was young and skinny and well rested. We moved basically all around the country and had a lot of different experiences.
Minneapolis, Minnesota:
We moved to Minnesota in December. Because we have really good timing. This was also the year that their football stadium roof collapsed because of all the snow, anyone remember that? It was the fourth snowiest winter in state history and I drove a Prius all winter when what I really needed was an Alaskan dog sled. On my drive to work I would see people standing on snow banks taller than my car shoveling out their mailboxes. There was also a weird phenomena (I hate that word and can't believe I just used it) where people had to get their roofs like shoveled with some weird de-icing machine? I still don't really understand what that was all about and can't remember what it was called. Snow cave or snow roof or snow dome or something... There was a LOT of ice fishing and weirdly a little less actual fishing in the summer.
*Story time: My friend came to visit so I decided to take her out in the canoe and fish the day away like a true Minnesotan. We went to get our fishing licenses because I am terrified of getting arrested for fishing without a license and being thrown in illegal fishing prison. The lady at the licensing office gave me quite the time and demanded to know what kind of fish I would be catching and how many. I can't even name types of fish, let alone be able to accurately identify what kind of fish I caught, let alone actually catch a fish. I think she thought I had like a commercial fishing boat and a crew and one of those giant traps they catch deep sea crabs in. Whatever lady.
I learned that a "hot dish" is really just another word for casserole. I learned that wild rice is awesome! And it can be made into anything- salad, soup, "hot dishes", drinks, ice cream... I also got a LOT of cooking tips for how to cook my pheasants. Because apparently my freezer is full of dead birds that I shot... Actually you probably wouldn't put a dead bird in the freezer come to think of it, and that information was probably in my pheasant tutorial that I clearly wasn't listening to. I think someone might have mentioned pheasant dressing at one point. I sure hope that didn't go on a salad... except maybe a wild rice salad!
I got a lot of weird looks from my co-workers when I wore my snow boots (that I bought the day after I got there) to work every single day. And I got laughed at when I took a picture of some squirrel tracks I saw in the snow one day. For those of you that don't know, squirrels make up half of Minnesota's population, and the other half are ducks and geese. I don't even think Minnesotans see these animals anymore but I got really really excited whenever I did. One day I went for a run and called my mother in law to tell her that there were ducks on her lawn and drop what you're doing and go see them and there are seriously actual ducks on your very own lawn! My sweet mother in law probably faked some excitement for me and then thought I was nuts. Then there was the time I made my father in law stop the car so I could get out and take a picture of a turtle that was crossing the road. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm nuts too. I am weirdly obsessed with seeing animals in the wild because I swear Utah is like an animal wasteland. When have you ever seen something besides a seagull? Never. So in Minnesota I saw: foxes, coyotes (I actually chased it up the banks of the Mississippi river because I thought it was someone's dog, I almost got dingoed), turtles, owls, squirrels, ducks, geese, deer, wild turkeys in the Home Depot parking lot...
Then there is "Minnesota Nice" which everyone prides themselves on but which I found to be a complete public nuisance. The first week there I went to the bank and the line took like 30 minutes because the little old lady teller is talking to every single customer about what they did for Christmas and how many grand kids they have and where they were born and what's their favorite way to eat wild rice. And at the movies people don't go out of their way to avoid each other like small pox but people willingly sit next to people they don't even know! Such a strange thing to see. And as someone who is not really nice, it made me uncomfortable..
It was also so so so so indescribably freezing cold. One day I stopped and bought a Diet Coke on the way to work, I felt all of them in the fridge and decided they were all warm and they must have just been put in the fridge so I bought one and planned to put in the freezer at work to get a little colder. One of my co workers saw me and asked what I was doing and I told her my Diet Coke was warm, she felt it and said no, it's the normal temperature that drinks always are. Turns out my hands were so cold that an ice cold soda felt warm to me. So with that cold in mind, it's time for Josh and Paige's next adventure which was the polar opposite of cold.......
So those are a few memories of the different places we've lived. Now Josh is applying for jobs again and it's exciting to not know where life is going to take you next. Josh has an interview for a job in Tuscaloosa, Alabama and I'm hoping that life doesn't take me there. Love you Alabama....
Anyway I wish I had started blogging sooner because Josh and I had a lot of crazy adventures back in the day when I was young and skinny and well rested. We moved basically all around the country and had a lot of different experiences.
Seriously we did this crazy triangle thing.
So since this blog has become my sad excuse for a journal I wanted to include a sort of back story of how I got to this point because I'm sure everyone is just dying to know right?
Minneapolis, Minnesota:
We moved to Minnesota in December. Because we have really good timing. This was also the year that their football stadium roof collapsed because of all the snow, anyone remember that? It was the fourth snowiest winter in state history and I drove a Prius all winter when what I really needed was an Alaskan dog sled. On my drive to work I would see people standing on snow banks taller than my car shoveling out their mailboxes. There was also a weird phenomena (I hate that word and can't believe I just used it) where people had to get their roofs like shoveled with some weird de-icing machine? I still don't really understand what that was all about and can't remember what it was called. Snow cave or snow roof or snow dome or something... There was a LOT of ice fishing and weirdly a little less actual fishing in the summer.
*Story time: My friend came to visit so I decided to take her out in the canoe and fish the day away like a true Minnesotan. We went to get our fishing licenses because I am terrified of getting arrested for fishing without a license and being thrown in illegal fishing prison. The lady at the licensing office gave me quite the time and demanded to know what kind of fish I would be catching and how many. I can't even name types of fish, let alone be able to accurately identify what kind of fish I caught, let alone actually catch a fish. I think she thought I had like a commercial fishing boat and a crew and one of those giant traps they catch deep sea crabs in. Whatever lady.
I learned that a "hot dish" is really just another word for casserole. I learned that wild rice is awesome! And it can be made into anything- salad, soup, "hot dishes", drinks, ice cream... I also got a LOT of cooking tips for how to cook my pheasants. Because apparently my freezer is full of dead birds that I shot... Actually you probably wouldn't put a dead bird in the freezer come to think of it, and that information was probably in my pheasant tutorial that I clearly wasn't listening to. I think someone might have mentioned pheasant dressing at one point. I sure hope that didn't go on a salad... except maybe a wild rice salad!
I got a lot of weird looks from my co-workers when I wore my snow boots (that I bought the day after I got there) to work every single day. And I got laughed at when I took a picture of some squirrel tracks I saw in the snow one day. For those of you that don't know, squirrels make up half of Minnesota's population, and the other half are ducks and geese. I don't even think Minnesotans see these animals anymore but I got really really excited whenever I did. One day I went for a run and called my mother in law to tell her that there were ducks on her lawn and drop what you're doing and go see them and there are seriously actual ducks on your very own lawn! My sweet mother in law probably faked some excitement for me and then thought I was nuts. Then there was the time I made my father in law stop the car so I could get out and take a picture of a turtle that was crossing the road. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm nuts too. I am weirdly obsessed with seeing animals in the wild because I swear Utah is like an animal wasteland. When have you ever seen something besides a seagull? Never. So in Minnesota I saw: foxes, coyotes (I actually chased it up the banks of the Mississippi river because I thought it was someone's dog, I almost got dingoed), turtles, owls, squirrels, ducks, geese, deer, wild turkeys in the Home Depot parking lot...
Then there is "Minnesota Nice" which everyone prides themselves on but which I found to be a complete public nuisance. The first week there I went to the bank and the line took like 30 minutes because the little old lady teller is talking to every single customer about what they did for Christmas and how many grand kids they have and where they were born and what's their favorite way to eat wild rice. And at the movies people don't go out of their way to avoid each other like small pox but people willingly sit next to people they don't even know! Such a strange thing to see. And as someone who is not really nice, it made me uncomfortable..
It was also so so so so indescribably freezing cold. One day I stopped and bought a Diet Coke on the way to work, I felt all of them in the fridge and decided they were all warm and they must have just been put in the fridge so I bought one and planned to put in the freezer at work to get a little colder. One of my co workers saw me and asked what I was doing and I told her my Diet Coke was warm, she felt it and said no, it's the normal temperature that drinks always are. Turns out my hands were so cold that an ice cold soda felt warm to me. So with that cold in mind, it's time for Josh and Paige's next adventure which was the polar opposite of cold.......
Harlingen, Texas:
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We moved to Harlingen in June because once again we have such awesome timing. We towed a trailer with my Prius all the way from Canada to Mexico. We got a lot of looks, especially once we got into Texas and every single car on the road was a pickup truck, but once we stopped for gas and someone came over to me and said, "Excuse me, did you realize that you are towing a trailer with a Prius?" And then I said whaaat? How'd that get on there? True story. Another time one of my co-workers came into work and announced that he just saw the funniest thing! It was a Prius with a trailer hitch! Wah wah... Unloading that trailer up one flight of stairs into our apartment in the middle of the day in June was to this day, the worst day of my life. After every trip we would both collapse on the floor and would have cried had we any moisture left. It was HOT people. And HUMID. One of our friends described it best when he said when you go outside it feels like you're entering a dryer.I had a headache for like a month straight before I realized I needed to quadruple my water consumption down there. It never dipped below 80 when we lived there, and it only got below 90 for a few days during the tropical storm we had.
Ok so this is really South Padre Island but do you really want to see a picture of Harlingen? I don't think you do.
We moved to Harlingen in June because once again we have such awesome timing. We towed a trailer with my Prius all the way from Canada to Mexico. We got a lot of looks, especially once we got into Texas and every single car on the road was a pickup truck, but once we stopped for gas and someone came over to me and said, "Excuse me, did you realize that you are towing a trailer with a Prius?" And then I said whaaat? How'd that get on there? True story. Another time one of my co-workers came into work and announced that he just saw the funniest thing! It was a Prius with a trailer hitch! Wah wah... Unloading that trailer up one flight of stairs into our apartment in the middle of the day in June was to this day, the worst day of my life. After every trip we would both collapse on the floor and would have cried had we any moisture left. It was HOT people. And HUMID. One of our friends described it best when he said when you go outside it feels like you're entering a dryer.I had a headache for like a month straight before I realized I needed to quadruple my water consumption down there. It never dipped below 80 when we lived there, and it only got below 90 for a few days during the tropical storm we had.
*Story time: So in Minnesota there are tornado sirens that go off and there was actually a really bad tornado when we were there and Josh just laughed his little self silly at how scared I got of tornadoes because apparently Josh fears no natural disaster. Come to later find out, Josh greatly fears hurricanes. So I decided to play a little joke on Josh about the hurricane. I text him at work to say someone from church had stopped by to see if we had all of our emergency supplies and to tell us they were setting up an emergency shelter at the church. A little come uppance for laughing at me for hiding under the stairs during a tornado...
So Harlingen's basically Mexico... Sometimes I felt like we were living in another world down there. One hot day at the beach I got excited to see an ice cream truck driving around and playing it's ice cream music, I approached it and nope, it's essentially a taco van that drives around selling Mexican food to people at the beach. Every store in addition to selling normal candy that we're all familiar with would sell Mexican candy that looked like it was packaged in someone's hut. My favorite were the plastic spoons that were dipped in caramel and thrown in a bag.
Those look extremely safe for human consumption right??
And there were a bunch of candies covered in chili powder. I tell you Mexicans and chili powder is like Minnesotans and wild rice. Apparently there is this thing called Frito Pie, it sounds like a recipe or something right? Nope. You dump some chili and cheese and probably chili powder into a bag of Fritos and shake it up and eat it. Everybody ate this. Fun fact: Harlingen, Texas is the most obese city in America! And it might have something to do with that Frito Pie...
And then there was all the weird meat. The grocery store (HEB) had the world's most entertaining meat section. Giant cow tongues (Do you know how big a whole cow tongue is?? It's like ten pounds! And the tip is black, yuck), cow stomach, the whole leg and foot of a pig, the entire ribcage of a cow. (Jordan I hope you're reading this.) And a bunch of other weird meats too but darn it it's been so long I don't remember all of them. Josh and I used to wander through the meat section for sheer entertainment and then Josh would usually pick up a cow tongue and "lick" me with it.
One day Josh and I were eating at Pizza Hut, one of the gourmet restaurants of Harlingen, and some kid came up to us at the table and was selling like some light up wands or something you'd buy at like an outdoor festival or something. We thought this was an isolated incident, it was not. Everywhere you go people would just walk up to you and try to sell you stuff like you were roaming down the streets of Venice. So weird.
Then there were all the experiences with church down there. There is this drink called horchata, if you haven't had it, it tastes like cinnamon milk. I neither enjoy it nor possess the talent of consuming something I find gross with a smile on my face. It was the drink of choice at all of our branch parties and we always had some sweet attentive hostess who MADE SURE everyone had a drink so usually I would walk around with it for a while and then dump it in the grass or make Josh drink it for me. One time I left it on a table where I had been talking with some people and had moved to another table thinking I could ditch it that way until Josh stands up and loudly says "Paige you forgot your horchata!" And then our sweet Mexican Relief Society President who pronounced Brigham Young, Brigham Jung, grabbed my full glass and waited in rapt anticipation for me to drink it.
Half of our hymn books were in Spanish, there were inevitably Sundays where I realized I only had Spanish hymn books in my row and so I'd spend the song playing guess what song title this is over text message to my friend. Half of our stake conferences were in Spanish and I had to wear headphones for a translation. I was the young women's president and no one in the stake young women presidency spoke any English. One time I had to send them an e-mail and I made Josh write it in Spanish for me. I think my version went something like this: Hola hermanas! Me llamo Hermana Beach! Donde esta el bano? Uno dos tres! Adios! So Josh cleaned it up a little bit.
Then the animals. One night while watching tv a lizard scurried across our wall. Bugs in our house I can handle, they're small, they're insects, but a lizard? Sharing my house with like a full blown, uninvited animal? I flipped out. I tried to make Josh catch it while I stood on the couch and screamed that I was going to stay in a hotel until he did. Needless to say lizards are hard to catch and so I had to make peace with our new housemate. When I wanted to watch a show Josh didn't I'd say Lizard and I both want to watch this so you're outvoted! And every night when we turned out the lights we'd say goodnight to our lizard. Another time I had to sit in my car in our parking lot for like half an hour because there was a giant exotic bird that literally was as tall as my car window was just sitting right outside my car door and I was pretty sure it was going to eat me whole. Animals I saw in the wild- wild rabbits, bullfrogs, armadillos, alligators, stingrays, pelicans, sea turtles, and wild hogs (which are absolutely terrifying).
Then the animals. One night while watching tv a lizard scurried across our wall. Bugs in our house I can handle, they're small, they're insects, but a lizard? Sharing my house with like a full blown, uninvited animal? I flipped out. I tried to make Josh catch it while I stood on the couch and screamed that I was going to stay in a hotel until he did. Needless to say lizards are hard to catch and so I had to make peace with our new housemate. When I wanted to watch a show Josh didn't I'd say Lizard and I both want to watch this so you're outvoted! And every night when we turned out the lights we'd say goodnight to our lizard. Another time I had to sit in my car in our parking lot for like half an hour because there was a giant exotic bird that literally was as tall as my car window was just sitting right outside my car door and I was pretty sure it was going to eat me whole. Animals I saw in the wild- wild rabbits, bullfrogs, armadillos, alligators, stingrays, pelicans, sea turtles, and wild hogs (which are absolutely terrifying).
So those are a few memories of the different places we've lived. Now Josh is applying for jobs again and it's exciting to not know where life is going to take you next. Josh has an interview for a job in Tuscaloosa, Alabama and I'm hoping that life doesn't take me there. Love you Alabama....
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