Seven Months

Cooper is on the downhill slope to his first birthday now! It feels like it's gone by in a second and at the same time it feels like I've spent a lifetime with him already.

This month:

Cooper is starting to play peek a boo! His favorite version is when you jump out and yell boo and scare him to death. After he jumps about a mile he laughs hysterically for a long time. Then you wait a minute until he's forgotten that you're playing peek a boo and do it again. He weirdly loves being scared.
I always assumed I would get really sick of playing little kid games like peek a boo over and over again (I always did with other people's kids, sorry guys.) But Cooper is always sick of peek a boo long before I am. Yelling boo at this kid is pretty much the most fun I've ever had.

Cooper has become a lot more interactive with his toys. He used to be content watching me wave a toy around in front of his face but now when I show him a toy the first thing he does is snatch it out of my hands and play with it himself. He's also good at spotting toys across the room that he wants and grunting at them until I go and get them for him. Basically Cooper has his own man servant.

Cooper's baby talk isn't really cooing with ooh's and ahh's like most babies. His talk is a mixture of short high pitched shrieks, fake coughing, and blowing spit bubbles. Maybe he is developing a new language that is yet unknown to mankind. Except that I am actually pretty fluent in it. If Josh has Cooper in the other room playing and I hear Cooper grunting, I can take one look at the scene and immediately pinpoint what it is Cooper wants. Oh he wants that tub of butt cream that's behind his dresser, but he wants to watch you bang on it like a drum. Or watch out, he's plotting to dive his head into the popcorn bowl. And you know what, I am always exactly right. 

Cooper has a new trick where he shakes his head back and forth for no apparent reason. I think he originally picked it up watching Josh do it. When we were at the hospital I was hoping he wouldn't do it so they didn't think he had some weird tic or something but sure enough as soon as the doctor made eye contact with him, he started going at it. Luckily they didn't accuse me of dropping him on his head.

Please excuse our pig-sty and the fact that Cooper's hanging out on a towel. This was in the midst of our stomach flu pandemic.

Overall, Cooper is still sleeping great, 10-12 hours a night and taking two naps in the day, still eating baby purees and has tried a couple little finger foods like pasta and gnawing on cauliflower, still has NO teeth, still hates being outside, although his little sunglasses help a lot, still loves kicking around on his tummy, in fact I have figured out how to put on a diaper while he's on his tummy because he absolutely will not stay on his back long enough to get changed, hasn't started crawling yet, still has separation anxiety, and still loves people and attention and music and being held always.

Love you little man.

And one bath shot for fun. He has the biggest bottom lip. So cute.

The American Flu

Do you remember that episode of Downton Abbey where everyone had the spanish flu and was on the brink of death? Well someone better fetch Dr. Clarkson because that is our family this week.

It started the night we got home from our road trip (awesome timing we hadn't even unpacked yet) and Cooper woke up with vomit caked to his face and then preceeded to projectile hurl his breakfast all over the dining room a few hours later. Seriously I have never seen such a great amount of bodily fluid come out of anyone, let alone a small baby. Cooper's never thrown up before so I just sat in my chair and sobbed while Josh got him in the bathtub and cleaned it all up. I'm really helpful in a crisis.

The next day Josh and I caught it and neither of us could move all day. In order to express how sick we were without all the vomit stories, I will just say that in 24 hours I lost 5 pounds and Josh lost 8. Cooper has now lost 2 pounds since Sunday. 

Whenever kids get sick it's sad, but whenever my kid gets sick, it's problematic. I'm already a whack job about everything to do with Cooper, but when he actually has a real illness, I'm a hundred times worse. I've been crazy worried about his urine output since Sunday. Josh stayed home from church with him and I spent all of primary texting Josh to see if Cooper had peed yet. And when Josh didn't answer (which he never did) I would call and harrass him about the critical importance of urine. I couldn't even concentrate on anything anyone said to me, in my head I was like "urine urine urine." Last night after Josh told me to stop worrying and go to bed I researched home tests for dehydration and then I'd go back out in the living room and pinch Cooper's skin and press on his fingernails until Josh ordered me to stop harrassing Cooper and go to bed. Finally this morning after still no urine, I took advantage of logical Josh being away at work and took him to the emergency room.

We spent all of about ten minutes there, just long enough for the doctor to take one look at him and say he's fine and then confirm that yes indeed, I am super paranoid. 

Also, St. Mark's, I'm sorry for barfing in your bushes.

Minnesota, I hate you

The grand road trip. The thing that gave me weeks of anxiety. I fully expected 40 hours of crying. And how many times did Cooper actually end up crying in the car?

Not one.

Further proof that Cooper is the greatest baby of all time.

It was a fun trip- family, friends, and lots of food, all perfect ingredients for a good vacation. We had a birthday party for Josh, Cooper got to meet his family members, we spent time with awesome friends and had a play date, I got to see some old co-workers, we ate, we shopped.... But what I really want to talk about is the weather.

Cooper and Lyla's play date

The coldest windchill in the Twin Cities was negative 87 degrees Fahrenheit.

During this trip it all came rushing back to me, how cold Minnesota really is. I made a last minute trip to the thrift store to buy Cooper a big, puffy, winter coat before we left, thinking I was probably being over-protective and ridiculous. Nope. We used it every day, and Cooper still bawled every time we went outside. I brought my stuff to run outside, one afternoon it was particularly sunny so I checked the weather, it was one degree. I foolishly left my snow boots at home that I haven't worn once this winter and regretted it every day. Next time even if I visit in July, I'm bringing my freaking snow boots.

Most winter storm fatalities- up to 200.

How could I have forgotten so soon that Minnesota is very likely the coldest place in the entire world?

Now that I think about it I remember days where I just never got warm- not by sitting two inches from the fire, not from a 20 minute shower, not from wearing all the clothes I own, and I would think to myself that the only possible way I could ever get warm was if I lit myself on fire. And sometimes, I contemplated it.

Lowest record temperature (without the windchill factor) negative 60 degrees Fahrenheit.

I used to wear two pairs of socks, thermal underwear, and a hat with fur lined ear flaps everywhere I went. Going to church made me want to cry because wearing a skirt was essentially like inviting the arctic wind to form a vortex up your legs. Plus my Sunday outfits always looked ridiculous when paired with snow boots. I remember standing in front of my closet most days thinking there is no physical combination of these clothes that would possibly be warm enough to wear. I should probably start a specialty clothing line for Minnesotans because I have dreamt up a lot of clothing items. Mostly just regular clothes, only lined with whale blubber.

Fastest wind recorded- 121 mph

I remember standing by the front door crying one night telling Josh that all I wanted to do was go to the gas station and get a treat but my wish to avoid the cold was stronger than my need for a treat. And usually nothing is stronger than my desire for treats.

Most snow in one season- 14 feet

Every day after work I would put on three layers of clothes, climb into bed with an electric blanket, and point my space heater straight at my face. 

And then I would get online and look at pictures of Cafe Rio.

It was a difficult place to live in the winter. 

The ten coldest counties in the country are all located in Minnesota.

And this week was no different, it brought back all my traumatic, frost-bitten memories.

So....

Josh's family,

I hereby invite all of you to kindly relocate to southern California. 

You're ruining my life.

Many thanks,

Paige

Josh's Star Wars Birthday Party

"Sometimes I wish I wasn't cursed with the ability to party plan. I mean why couldn't I just be a good for nothing fatso like the rest of the people in this office?" -Angela Martin

So true Angela. I wish that too.

We were going to be in Minnesota for Josh's 30th birthday, originally I thought we'll have to have everyone over for dinner that night. And slowly but surely my dinner party turned into a Star Wars themed party complete with toy light sabers. Josh HATES being the center of attention. On the day of his college graduation he was so grouchy! I asked him what was wrong and he said he hated that everyone was paying attention to him. So like the loving, caring, kind-hearted wife I am, I threw him an attention-seeking party in front of all his family and friends. Love ya babe!

The handmade invites with Josh's favorite Star Wars quote that he says to me in his Yoda voice about once a week

The food tags I made for all the food 

Josh's special number 30 cupcake. That he didn't even eat.

Pool noodle light sabers! Perfect for beating your sibling to death.

I put a bunch of cute Josh baby pictures out on the table. He was one cute kid.

My second sewing debut- threading letters. Wow. So very talented.

I neglected to get pictures of things like the actual party, and the birthday boy and all of the important stuff really. I guess Angela would be very disappointed with me. I might even get kicked off the party planning committee.

Confessions- Motherhood Edition

I confess that when I was pregnant I broke our bed. I was just laying in bed reading, not even moving, when I heard some cracking noises, and then bam- the bed broke in half and I went crashing to the ground. The piece of wood that broke was directly underneath me so there was no question that it was my enormous girth that snapped it in two. My self esteem has never recovered.

I confess that after numerous birthing classes when we learned we just needed to think of happy colors and mentally open our birth canal, this is what my childbirth experience ended up looking like-

Seriously I was so pumped and ready to have my baby in a stream while someone played the pan flute. Unfortunately it didn't quite turn out that way.

I confess that I refused to buy new underwear when I was pregnant even when my undies started to look like a string around a pot roast. I have about five pair of underwear that I only wear to the gym, I've had them since high school (gross I know) and I refused to accept that I needed bigger ones. One night I was changing into my work out clothes, I got my underwear on and I saw in the mirror reflection that Josh was doubled up, on the floor, literally crying with silent laughter at the sight of me in those underwear. At that point, I couldn't really tell what they looked like so I asked him what was wrong. It took him a few minutes to stop laughing long enough to answer, "They don't cover the top third or bottom third of your bum. They only cover a tiny strip in the middle." 

I confess that I was totally planning on cloth diapering until I saw this slideshow. And then I was like sorry about that mother earth.... How about I just donate to the Sierra Club or something and we'll call it even. 

I confess that I use motherhood as an excuse for daily Diet Coke consumption. Whenever someone in Relief Society makes a comment that caffeine is really just the tears of Satan, I'm like yeah that's adorable but my baby makes me really sleepy....

I confess that after I spent pregnancy basically planning my run for president of the Le Leche League and cramming statistics about breastfeeding down everyone's throat, the best day of my mother career this far was when our doctor told me I needed to quit nusing because Cooper wasn't gaining weight. We had a special appointment to do a weight check and see if Cooper was gaining enough because breastfeeding had been such a struggle and as I laid him on the scale I told him silently in my head, don't you dare have gained any weight. And he didn't. Thanks buddy! 

Now I'll say ten hail mary's and call it good. 

Happy Tuesday

Things that make me happy this Tuesday:

• It's spring break for Josh! Which means no three hour class tonight! Wahoo! 

• And also, Arrested Development of course because it's the best show ever. Unless you're a normal person, in which case you might not like it, but if you're weird, it's definitely the show for you.

• Magazines. Specifically food magazines. I love to look at pictures of food. Josh doesn't really know what pinterest is but whenever he sees me on it he says, "Oh, looking at pictures of food again?" Pretty much. I'm too cheap to ever buy magazines so I rent them from the library and last night I went and got like 20. 20 magazines and no books. I pretty much felt like an idiot at checkout. You know I realize I could finally read War and Peace but I'm just going to go ahead and look at pictures of food instead.

• When Cooper runs his fingers through my hair. Most of the time he grabs it and pulls it (this weekend my family was like why are you missing a chunk of hair?) but sometimes when he's drinking his bottle and he's all snuggled up in my lap, he likes to lay and stroke my hair. So precious.

• Google earth. I don't know if I should be happy about this wide scaled privacy invasion or not, but you have to admit, it's pretty cool. Josh has a job interview (it's just an interview, don't sound the alarm bells) in a place called Central City, Colorado. We're actually going to make a pit stop there on our way to MN for it (thanks guys for paying for part of our vacation...) I was feeling pretty nervous about the population of 581 (not that he has been offered it, or that we will for sure take it if he does) but thanks to google earth I have now clicked through the streets of Central City! And it's actually pretty adorable, it reminds me of Park City.

• Napping. Naps on my happy list?! I don't believe it either. But Cooper has been taking the best naps all week. They've all been about two hours long! I really don't want to jinx it but when he takes two two-hour naps a day, I don't even know what to do with myself- it's too easy! He likes to feed himself his own bottle (though I still sit with him because he keeps rolling onto his tummy and getting mad at gravity) and he plays by himself for little stretches, and now he naps too?! He might as well change his own diapers, I feel completely superfluous.

Poor buddy needs a little beer can hat for his bottle so he can play and drink at the same time.

• This one is kind of silly, but today I realized that Cooper has the perfect name. I was reading him a story and I asked him, "What do you think happens next Coop?" and he looked up at me like I don't know mom, I'm six months old and I don't talk yet. But it was the first time that I felt like he really knew his name and I just thought yep, it's perfect for you. I had like ten baby boy names all picked out before I got pregnant and never even gave the name Cooper a second thought, so it's kind of weird how he ended up with this name. But I love it. Coop, Coopy, Coop-Coop, Coopy-Coo, Poop-Face. (No, not really the last one....)

• Today our washing machine started making a heinous noise and my sweet Coop immediately looked at me with wide terrified eyes. Ha! I thought that was the cutest thing that he would hear a startling noise and immediately look at me like what's going on mom?

What a little sweetheart

Happy Tuesday!

One week til impending doom

One week from today might just be the worst day of my life.

One week from today we will be attempting, against better judgement, to take Cooper on a cross country road trip.
I feel like my life is going to be divided into two stages now. Before Road Trip and After Road Trip. Will I come back a war torn, battle scared, hardened, bitter soul? Someone who yells at neighbor children for playing because the sounds remind her of the relentless screaming that one dark day in the middle of Nebraska?
How many times can I listen to Baby Beluga before I throw myself from a moving vehicle?
Can you tell I'm a little nervous for this trip?

It was our turn to go to Minnesota for Christmas this year. We didn't want to drive because of the weather, and flying was ridiculously expensive. We mollified oursevles with a great plan! Let's drive there in March for Josh's birthday! The weather will be better and Cooper will be six months old by then. Six month olds will totally just sit quietly in their car seats and self entertain for 40 hours! He might even join in for a few rounds of 20 questions!

Idiots. We're total idiots. I see that now.

We spend our nights poured over maps, throwing out countless ideas that progressively get more unrealistic as time goes on. It starts out with things like well we could drive through the night while he sleeps in his car seat, taking sleep shifts in the passenger seat. A few exasperated hours later it turns into well maybe Harry Potter is actually real and I can just find a wizard and he'll make us a port key.
No matter how you slice it, it's just a long time of not being held, which is all Coop is interested in.

I take full responsibility for creating this hold-me monster. But I looooooove holding him. So there. And I figure pretty soon he'll be too busy running around peeing on people's pine trees to want to be held much so I better get my snuggles in now, while he can't fight back.

I make obsessive packing lists detailing the exact number of socks I might need. I scour the internet for tips on traveling with homemade baby food. I make panic trips to the thrift store because I don't really remember how cold it is in Minnesota in March but I think I remember it being akin to northern Alaska winter and I'm worried I don't have enough cold weather baby clothes. I scour the internet for inspirational quotes about overcoming adversity... In short, I panic. I'm more stressed out about this than I was about childbirth. At least labor was shorter and included more drugs.

Seriously this kid is not enthused about his car seat.

So please light a candle, throw a penny in a fountain, toss some salt over your shoulder, whatever it is that you do for good luck, please do it for us next week. :)

Sincerely,
The moron who thought it would be a good idea to drive her baby across the country

On how to be mediocre and feel really, really good about it

This week Josh had three days where he either had work or school or both all day until about 10 at night. Ususally he just has one day a week like that, and I collapse in a heap of exhaustion at the end of it. Since this week meant potential triple exhaustion I decided to change some things to make things a little easier on myself, I decided to have less goals and embrace mediocrity. Turns out it works really well, day #3 and I'm doing great, also it turns out I am really good at being mediocre. So good in fact that I've decided to give the rest of you some lessons.

Housework. Who needs it. If I'm not having people over, why do I care if there are dishes in the sink or spots on the bathroom mirror? I've finally decided that if Josh and I are the only ones seeing it, who cares? Plus if someone comes over there's always time to cram stuff under the couch and pretend your house is really clean. Cooper doesn't care if I still haven't cleaned up dinner from the night before, so why should I? So on days where I'm on my own at night too, I spend nap time watching Project Runway instead of doing the dishes.

Which brings me to my next point, watch some crappy tv. For some reason no matter how much I entertain Cooper, tickle games, reading books, dancing, singing, etc... He is still most entertained by watching me watch tv. It's so weird. He doesn't even watch the tv, he just likes to watch us watch it. So if that makes my son so happy and delighted, I guess I can oblige. I try to teach Cooper valuable life lessons along the way so that it can be educational too like, "See? That's why you don't hang out with people who wear sports jerseys." I think he learns a lot.

Don't run any errands, ever. Avoid them at all costs. In any given two hour span, Cooper's going to need to nap and eat some sort of pureed vegetable and need the vegetable disposed of once it comes out the other end. It's so much easier to address those needs at home rather than on a solo trip to Costco. Cooper now has about ten diapers left and I fully intend on holding out one more day so that Josh can come with us. And hey, he still has swim diapers left right? (just kidding...)

Don't make dinner. Why make dinner for one? Just eat mac and cheese! Also if you don't make dinner, you don't have to go to the grocery store, another win.

Wear sweat pants. The glory of sweatpants is two-fold. 1. Comfort, of course. 2. They're more absorbant and more forgiving of the bodily fluids that will inevitably end up on your clothes. Drool, vomit, pee, poop, the usual culprits.

Cry with your baby. Most of the time Cooper's cries need a remedy, like food, sleep, toys... But sometimes he's just a little fussy for no discernible reason. I've decided to stop panicking about it while I look for a new toy to shove in his face, but to just embrace it. Sometimes we all just need our mommies to snuggle us while we have a nice little cry.

Find joy in the little things. Today I tried Cooper's mittens on him in preparation for our trip to the Arctic next week and he just laid there and sucked on his mittens until they were completely soaked in drool and no longer warming his hands. Cute. Also my little garbage disposal did something I never thought he'd do and finally refused to eat something. I started to feed him green beans and he gagged and cried. He's never not liked food before so I assumed he just wasn't hungry. So I gave him a bite of apple sauce just to see, he tasted it and smiled, and then I gave him another bite of green beans and he wouldn't even swallow them! He just sat there with his mouth open til it all dripped out. Little trickster.

And finally, my last tip for having a completely non stressful day without your partner in crime, is to stop worrying about anything other than sitting on the floor and playing with your baby.

Uh-oh, there's a nip slip in this picture. 

Let's all expect a little less of ourselves sometimes (about the non-important things at least.)

It feels so good.

Clarifications

One day someone told me they thought my blog was funny. I didn't know how to respond so after pausing for a second I said, "It's because my life is a hot mess." I told Josh that comment later that night and he said, "Did you say it wasn't supposed to be funny? This is your real life?!"

Well folks, my life is a hot mess. Life is messy with kids. I'm not going to lie and tell you that Cooper toots rainbows while I teach him mandarin chinese all day long. But that in NO way means I do not LOVE my messy life (because I do) or would choose to have it any other way (because I wouldn't.) Of course I realize that being Cooper's mom makes me the luckiest person to have ever lived. Sometimes I joke around with Coop and tell him that I must have stayed late and helped clean up after all the meetings in Heaven because I got the best little reward ever. (And no, I don't really believe that your behavior in another life sets the circumstances for this one.) I thought my feelings about Cooper were obvious? If anything I love this kid TOO much- it's like affecting my mental health.

But for some reason it needs to be clarified in black and white that when I say something like-
Cooper ripped out a chunk of my eyelashes today
A. This does not mean I also want to drop him off at the fire station.
B. This does not mean I'd rather have all my eyelashes than my baby.
C. That I am not overwhelmingly, exceedingly, tremendously happy that I have a little buddy in my life to rip out my eyelashes. Those eyelashes were getting kind of annoying. No but really, when I make a joke, it is a joke, I like to laugh at cute things Cooper does. There is not a moment of my day that goes by when I am not thinking about my sweet boy and how he is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

But I guess I need to spell it out more, so no one calls cps on me.

What I love about the most special baby ever:

I LOVE Cooper's chewing noises. (Which is weird considering how much I hate everyone else's chewing noises.) I absolutely love them to death, they are so sweet. I just want to make a tape of them and listen to them every night as I fall asleep. I'm not kidding, listening to this kid nom nom with a mouthful of sweet potatoes makes my heart melt into about a billion pieces.

I LOVE Coop's cute chunky baby body, every bit of it from his head to his piggies. Sometimes I have to actively stop myself from just squeezing him or biting his toes or kiss attacking him. I spend 90% of his wake time kissing on him. Poor Coop doesn't really like kisses and probably wonders in his little baby head why these people won't stop kissing on him. Should I mention that I kept his first fingernail I ever clipped? And that when I carry my naked baby to the bathtub I stop and stand in the mirror and admire his bum cheeks for a while first?

I LOVE holding and playing with Cooper. Josh and I STILL after six months of Cooper-time battle each other to the death over who gets to hold him. We need to be better about this since usually one person is clinging onto Cooper for dear life and the other person is trying to grab him, and usually Coop's in the middle, probably seriously uncomfortable. Sorry buddy, but sometimes your daddy hogs you and it's my turn. ;)

So between this kid's big blue eyes that are so cute I would probably let him eat ice cream for breakfast every day if he ever looked at me with those eyes and said ice cweam? His chubby cheeks that are chapped from all the kisses, that I have to lotion twice a day. His laugh that makes Josh and I run and jump and dance and sing until our lungs have collapsed because we will never stop doing something as long as Cooper is laughing at it. His sweet sad cry that simultaneously breaks my heart and also makes me smile because every noise he makes is just so cute. His wide, gummy, toothless, drool-y, face-encompassing smile that steals my heart and will also win him ice cream or cookies or a live dinosaur or whatever else in this world that he wants. The way he pants in my ear when I'm carrying him. The silly sleep positions this kid contorts himself into during the night, and the way my heart explodes with joy each and every morning when I go and get him from his crib- I could write an 800 page manifesto about how I love Cooper.

So I'll just say, to condense, that I give Cooper every single ounce of everything I have to give. I spend every moment of Cooper's day tickling him, making him laugh, playing toys with him, reading him books, singing him songs, teaching him Spanish and sign language, feeding him, changing him, bathing him, doing everything humanly possible to make sure the love of my life is happy, fed, clean, and comfortable.

I am an excellent mother.

I love my son every second of the day whether he is laughing at me singing five little monkeys or puking on my bed sheets- I love him just the same. (Which he did this morning- I set him on my bed and went to the bathroom quick (about 3 feet away) and as soon as I sat down, I just had to watch helplessly as Cooper barfed all over my sheets. I called out, "Cooper, stop barfing on my sheets." But it didn't seem to help.)

Just because I had a child, does not mean that I no longer get to have good days and bad days. Some days are better than others, just like they used to be. But saying that I had a hard day is in NO way a reflection of how I feel about my baby, or my husband, or my life.

I love all my days, be they easy, hard, short, long, or covered in poop.

I assumed everyone just knew that and knew how much I soul-crushingly love my son. But I guess it had to be clarified.

And that is why I'm making my blog private in a couple of days. If you would like to keep reading, you can leave me your e-mail address, or send it to me privately if you want. I get to go wash my sheets now.

Apologies

Last night we took Cooper out to eat. You know, sticky high chairs that I'm pretty sure single handedly caused the swine flu. The stink eye from strangers at your crying baby. (Which really? One time your kids were bawling in a restaurant too.) At the end of the meal I looked down at the filthiest table I'd ever seen including a full jar of pureed prunes that Cooper overturned and then laughed like a madman about. And it hit me. I had become the very person that I used to hate.

I worked in a restaurant all through college (I know for a fact we never cleaned those highchairs) and I hated those people with the messy children that left big, sticky, awful disasters wherever they went. And I could never understand how they let their kids make such a big mess while eating! And I loathed them silently as I used my fingernail to pry off mashed spaghetti noodles that were crusted to the table.

So I am here today to say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to all the moms with messy kids at restaurants that I used to hate.

I just didn't understand yet that kids + food = big giant sticky messes, always. Good for you for leaving the house with your children and attempting to interact with the general public.

I'm sorry to all the moms I used to hate for taking forever to get your kids in the car while I was waiting for your parking spot.

Clearly the person that designed the width of parking spots has never tried to put a car seat into the back seat. I'll just find another parking spot, and then come help you wrestle your kids into a confined area.

Also I think I just realized that I need a mini van with sliding doors, since every person that has parked next to me in the last six months hasn't left me enough space to open my car door all the way.

I'm sorry to my former co-worker for being soooo annoyed that you made me sit and listen to a 20 minute recording of your baby babbling.

I used to wonder how anyone could possibly think that other people cared about the mundane things their kids do.

Now I take videos of Cooper doing everything- laughing, rolling over, blowing spit bubbles and email them to everyone I've ever met. Do you want to watch a 20 minute video of my kid kicking his feet in the bathtub? Apparently I think you do.

I'm sorry to all the stay at home moms out there for wondering what you do all day.

I used to think that becoming a stay at home mom was sort of like a reward for putting some time into the workforce, almost like a retirement.

Ha. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. All I can do is laugh hysterically at what an idiot I was. Sometimes when I realize it's almost dinner time and I've yet to feed myself that day, I think how completely relaxing it used to be to sit in a cubicle and edit people's work who spelled espresso with an x and watch intermittent you tube videos. It was like a tropical vacation....

I'm sorry to all the moms who I used to be irritated at for letting your kid's sleep schedule dictate your social life.

Your kid can't miss one nap?

Nowadays I wouldn't even stop to help someone who was on fire if it was during Cooper's nap. I'd be like, can you burn to death quieter? My baby's sleeping...

I'm sorry to all the moms in public with screaming children that I used to judge.

I mean how hard is it to get your kids to stop screaming? I guess I thought that kids came with an off-switch and all you had to do was find their battery pack and take it out.

Now I know that kids reserve all their hissy fits for public places and all their quiet, happy smiles for home. I think this is a ploy to spend more time at home with toys and less time at the fabric store. Who can blame these evil geniuses? Fabric stores make me want to cry too.


Now if you want to join the email list and receive daily videos of Cooper let me know. :)