Apologies

Last night we took Cooper out to eat. You know, sticky high chairs that I'm pretty sure single handedly caused the swine flu. The stink eye from strangers at your crying baby. (Which really? One time your kids were bawling in a restaurant too.) At the end of the meal I looked down at the filthiest table I'd ever seen including a full jar of pureed prunes that Cooper overturned and then laughed like a madman about. And it hit me. I had become the very person that I used to hate.

I worked in a restaurant all through college (I know for a fact we never cleaned those highchairs) and I hated those people with the messy children that left big, sticky, awful disasters wherever they went. And I could never understand how they let their kids make such a big mess while eating! And I loathed them silently as I used my fingernail to pry off mashed spaghetti noodles that were crusted to the table.

So I am here today to say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to all the moms with messy kids at restaurants that I used to hate.

I just didn't understand yet that kids + food = big giant sticky messes, always. Good for you for leaving the house with your children and attempting to interact with the general public.

I'm sorry to all the moms I used to hate for taking forever to get your kids in the car while I was waiting for your parking spot.

Clearly the person that designed the width of parking spots has never tried to put a car seat into the back seat. I'll just find another parking spot, and then come help you wrestle your kids into a confined area.

Also I think I just realized that I need a mini van with sliding doors, since every person that has parked next to me in the last six months hasn't left me enough space to open my car door all the way.

I'm sorry to my former co-worker for being soooo annoyed that you made me sit and listen to a 20 minute recording of your baby babbling.

I used to wonder how anyone could possibly think that other people cared about the mundane things their kids do.

Now I take videos of Cooper doing everything- laughing, rolling over, blowing spit bubbles and email them to everyone I've ever met. Do you want to watch a 20 minute video of my kid kicking his feet in the bathtub? Apparently I think you do.

I'm sorry to all the stay at home moms out there for wondering what you do all day.

I used to think that becoming a stay at home mom was sort of like a reward for putting some time into the workforce, almost like a retirement.

Ha. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. All I can do is laugh hysterically at what an idiot I was. Sometimes when I realize it's almost dinner time and I've yet to feed myself that day, I think how completely relaxing it used to be to sit in a cubicle and edit people's work who spelled espresso with an x and watch intermittent you tube videos. It was like a tropical vacation....

I'm sorry to all the moms who I used to be irritated at for letting your kid's sleep schedule dictate your social life.

Your kid can't miss one nap?

Nowadays I wouldn't even stop to help someone who was on fire if it was during Cooper's nap. I'd be like, can you burn to death quieter? My baby's sleeping...

I'm sorry to all the moms in public with screaming children that I used to judge.

I mean how hard is it to get your kids to stop screaming? I guess I thought that kids came with an off-switch and all you had to do was find their battery pack and take it out.

Now I know that kids reserve all their hissy fits for public places and all their quiet, happy smiles for home. I think this is a ploy to spend more time at home with toys and less time at the fabric store. Who can blame these evil geniuses? Fabric stores make me want to cry too.


Now if you want to join the email list and receive daily videos of Cooper let me know. :)