Anniversary #4: Trip to Portland

We've been taking Cooper on quite a few trips lately. Partly because we're in a new area and there's a lot of stuff we want to see. Partly because there's nothing to do in Aberdeen. Partly because we're in a very short window of time before it starts raining 24/7. And partly, and most problematically, because I am in serious denial about what it's like to vacation with a baby. I don't know how that's possible by the way, I've been a mom for a year now. When I concoct a plan to go see Mt. Rainier I picture Josh and I strolling leisurely through a meadow of wildflowers, I don't picture Cooper unplugging the display movie in the visitor center that dozens of people were watching. Yep that happened. Every trip we take I end up saying to myself at some point that I'm never taking Cooper anywhere again. But no matter how many mishaps we have, it only takes me a couple days to forget, and I'm back to planning the next trip, foolishly thinking it will turn out differently.

So this post is here to serve as my reality check about what vacations with babies are really like. Don't get me wrong, there are lots of moments of kisses, laughs, and tickle fights and I love spending time with Cooper. But I love it a little more in the comfort of our baby-proofed home.

So our 4th anniversary was this week. We decided not to get a sitter for Cooper as he really has a hard time with strangers, and we decided (ingeniously) to spend the weekend as a family in Portland. It was going to be great! Josh and I were going to meander around the city for as long as we wanted, doing whatever tickled our fancy at the moment, stay in a nice hotel, have lots of deep, loving conversations about our last year of marriage, spend lots of quality time together as a couple... Do you see why I need a reality check now?

Day 1:

Drive to Portland. Go during Cooper's nap time so he will spend the 2.5 hours in the car asleep and Josh and I can relax and talk. Cooper sleeps for 30 minutes and the rest of the 2 hours I get motion sick in the backseat while I read him books about animals.

Check into our hotel. Josh gets the luggage while I use the restroom and Cooper happily explores the hotel room. Cooper finds the remote while I'm in the bathroom and orders an adult movie called The Hills Have Thighs which he is engrossed in when I come out of the bathroom.

Go downtown for lunch. Eat at a food cart or some hole in the wall local place with really good, unusual food. Opt for a chain restaurant because it's the only place with highchairs. Spend the meal picking up Cheerios and napkins that Cooper has ripped to shreds because the busser has been giving you the stink eye with each Cheerio that hits the floor.

Go to the zoo or children's museum so Cooper can do something kid-oriented and gain valuable knowledge by experiencing his surroundings. Realize everything closed while you were at the hotel trying (fruitlessly) to get your son to take a nap.

Go to the rose garden. Cooper rips the petals off everything he can reach and then pops them in his mouth. Get the stink eye from a group of rose-loving elderly people.

Back to the hotel. Realize that you saw exactly one thing on your list before you had to go back and put Cooper to bed.

Cooper's bedtime. Curse yourself for forgetting your book as you and your husband will be confined to total silence from 8 o'clock onwards. Listen to Cooper scream bloody murder for 30 straight minutes before he finally falls asleep. Sit in the corner reading the hotel bible and praying no one complains to the front desk about your screaming baby.

Our bedtime. Panic that you put Cooper's crib in front of the bathroom door and the front door (so he couldn't see you) but you forgot to go to the bathroom before you put him to sleep. And you drank a Diet Coke with dinner. And you have to pee. And you can't hold it until morning. And if you use the bathroom you'll wake him up and listen to another 30 minutes of screaming. Panic. Finally pee into an empty garbage sack while Josh shakes his head in disbelief! Happy anniversary sweetheart...

Day 2:

Morning. Wake up at 8 am sharp, decide you don't have time to shower if you want to see anything before naptime. Realize that while you packed everything Cooper could possibly need and more, including a first aid kit- you forgot to pack yourself deoderant and a hairbrush.

Portland Market. Look at all the booths from a distance as Cooper yanks whatever is in reaching distance and has already pulled a hat and scarf off a display and threw them on the ground.

Powell's books. Leave after five minutes because Cooper got so excited at the kid's books that he snatched one off the shelf and accidentally hit himself in the eye with it. Leave store to calm him down.

Lunch. Eat at another chain because highchairs.

Drive home. Because it's way past naptime, Cooper is miserably sleepy, and will only nap in a moving vehicle.

Ah, Portland....
I've already forgotten about the adult movie and peeing into a bag. Where are we going next weekend?!