The Strange Likes of Cooper Beach

One day at a friend's house, my friend asked me to make Cooper laugh so she could hear it. I thought about the things that had made him laugh the last couple days, me exclaiming at the doctor's office "yay Cooper has two testicles!" or me shimmying at him while saying "shimmy shimmy shimmy." Not wishing to repeat any of that in public, I declined the offer. Cooper doesn't often enjoy normal baby things like having someone blow raspberries on your tummy or playing a mild mannered game of peekaboo. But he does enjoy some other, stranger things, like-

• Being hit over the head repeatedly with a straw

• Watching a stranger eat pizza at Costco. I kept having to apologize to this poor man as Cooper would shriek with delight with each bite he took.

• Hearing daddy say "giiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrllllll you so crazy!"

• Watching movie credits. Never the actual movie, but the credits sure are exciting, the longer the better. He balls his hands into tight fists and trembles with excitement from head to toe.

• Staring at the microwave. Whether there's anything in it or not.

• Having air blown on his bare bummy

• Having daddy jump out when you least expect it and shout BOO in his loudest, deepest, most terrifying voice

• Chewing on a plastic ziploc bag that has a peep in it. This is absolutely his favorite toy. A bag with a peep in it let me go grocery shopping and to the bank in absolute peace one day.

• Eating half of a recipe card when mommy looked away for one nano second

Cooper is obviously a boy of great intelligence, a sophisticated sense of humor, and some strong preferences.

Seven Months

Cooper is on the downhill slope to his first birthday now! It feels like it's gone by in a second and at the same time it feels like I've spent a lifetime with him already.

This month:

Cooper is starting to play peek a boo! His favorite version is when you jump out and yell boo and scare him to death. After he jumps about a mile he laughs hysterically for a long time. Then you wait a minute until he's forgotten that you're playing peek a boo and do it again. He weirdly loves being scared.
I always assumed I would get really sick of playing little kid games like peek a boo over and over again (I always did with other people's kids, sorry guys.) But Cooper is always sick of peek a boo long before I am. Yelling boo at this kid is pretty much the most fun I've ever had.

Cooper has become a lot more interactive with his toys. He used to be content watching me wave a toy around in front of his face but now when I show him a toy the first thing he does is snatch it out of my hands and play with it himself. He's also good at spotting toys across the room that he wants and grunting at them until I go and get them for him. Basically Cooper has his own man servant.

Cooper's baby talk isn't really cooing with ooh's and ahh's like most babies. His talk is a mixture of short high pitched shrieks, fake coughing, and blowing spit bubbles. Maybe he is developing a new language that is yet unknown to mankind. Except that I am actually pretty fluent in it. If Josh has Cooper in the other room playing and I hear Cooper grunting, I can take one look at the scene and immediately pinpoint what it is Cooper wants. Oh he wants that tub of butt cream that's behind his dresser, but he wants to watch you bang on it like a drum. Or watch out, he's plotting to dive his head into the popcorn bowl. And you know what, I am always exactly right. 

Cooper has a new trick where he shakes his head back and forth for no apparent reason. I think he originally picked it up watching Josh do it. When we were at the hospital I was hoping he wouldn't do it so they didn't think he had some weird tic or something but sure enough as soon as the doctor made eye contact with him, he started going at it. Luckily they didn't accuse me of dropping him on his head.

Please excuse our pig-sty and the fact that Cooper's hanging out on a towel. This was in the midst of our stomach flu pandemic.

Overall, Cooper is still sleeping great, 10-12 hours a night and taking two naps in the day, still eating baby purees and has tried a couple little finger foods like pasta and gnawing on cauliflower, still has NO teeth, still hates being outside, although his little sunglasses help a lot, still loves kicking around on his tummy, in fact I have figured out how to put on a diaper while he's on his tummy because he absolutely will not stay on his back long enough to get changed, hasn't started crawling yet, still has separation anxiety, and still loves people and attention and music and being held always.

Love you little man.

And one bath shot for fun. He has the biggest bottom lip. So cute.

The American Flu

Do you remember that episode of Downton Abbey where everyone had the spanish flu and was on the brink of death? Well someone better fetch Dr. Clarkson because that is our family this week.

It started the night we got home from our road trip (awesome timing we hadn't even unpacked yet) and Cooper woke up with vomit caked to his face and then preceeded to projectile hurl his breakfast all over the dining room a few hours later. Seriously I have never seen such a great amount of bodily fluid come out of anyone, let alone a small baby. Cooper's never thrown up before so I just sat in my chair and sobbed while Josh got him in the bathtub and cleaned it all up. I'm really helpful in a crisis.

The next day Josh and I caught it and neither of us could move all day. In order to express how sick we were without all the vomit stories, I will just say that in 24 hours I lost 5 pounds and Josh lost 8. Cooper has now lost 2 pounds since Sunday. 

Whenever kids get sick it's sad, but whenever my kid gets sick, it's problematic. I'm already a whack job about everything to do with Cooper, but when he actually has a real illness, I'm a hundred times worse. I've been crazy worried about his urine output since Sunday. Josh stayed home from church with him and I spent all of primary texting Josh to see if Cooper had peed yet. And when Josh didn't answer (which he never did) I would call and harrass him about the critical importance of urine. I couldn't even concentrate on anything anyone said to me, in my head I was like "urine urine urine." Last night after Josh told me to stop worrying and go to bed I researched home tests for dehydration and then I'd go back out in the living room and pinch Cooper's skin and press on his fingernails until Josh ordered me to stop harrassing Cooper and go to bed. Finally this morning after still no urine, I took advantage of logical Josh being away at work and took him to the emergency room.

We spent all of about ten minutes there, just long enough for the doctor to take one look at him and say he's fine and then confirm that yes indeed, I am super paranoid. 

Also, St. Mark's, I'm sorry for barfing in your bushes.

Minnesota, I hate you

The grand road trip. The thing that gave me weeks of anxiety. I fully expected 40 hours of crying. And how many times did Cooper actually end up crying in the car?

Not one.

Further proof that Cooper is the greatest baby of all time.

It was a fun trip- family, friends, and lots of food, all perfect ingredients for a good vacation. We had a birthday party for Josh, Cooper got to meet his family members, we spent time with awesome friends and had a play date, I got to see some old co-workers, we ate, we shopped.... But what I really want to talk about is the weather.

Cooper and Lyla's play date

The coldest windchill in the Twin Cities was negative 87 degrees Fahrenheit.

During this trip it all came rushing back to me, how cold Minnesota really is. I made a last minute trip to the thrift store to buy Cooper a big, puffy, winter coat before we left, thinking I was probably being over-protective and ridiculous. Nope. We used it every day, and Cooper still bawled every time we went outside. I brought my stuff to run outside, one afternoon it was particularly sunny so I checked the weather, it was one degree. I foolishly left my snow boots at home that I haven't worn once this winter and regretted it every day. Next time even if I visit in July, I'm bringing my freaking snow boots.

Most winter storm fatalities- up to 200.

How could I have forgotten so soon that Minnesota is very likely the coldest place in the entire world?

Now that I think about it I remember days where I just never got warm- not by sitting two inches from the fire, not from a 20 minute shower, not from wearing all the clothes I own, and I would think to myself that the only possible way I could ever get warm was if I lit myself on fire. And sometimes, I contemplated it.

Lowest record temperature (without the windchill factor) negative 60 degrees Fahrenheit.

I used to wear two pairs of socks, thermal underwear, and a hat with fur lined ear flaps everywhere I went. Going to church made me want to cry because wearing a skirt was essentially like inviting the arctic wind to form a vortex up your legs. Plus my Sunday outfits always looked ridiculous when paired with snow boots. I remember standing in front of my closet most days thinking there is no physical combination of these clothes that would possibly be warm enough to wear. I should probably start a specialty clothing line for Minnesotans because I have dreamt up a lot of clothing items. Mostly just regular clothes, only lined with whale blubber.

Fastest wind recorded- 121 mph

I remember standing by the front door crying one night telling Josh that all I wanted to do was go to the gas station and get a treat but my wish to avoid the cold was stronger than my need for a treat. And usually nothing is stronger than my desire for treats.

Most snow in one season- 14 feet

Every day after work I would put on three layers of clothes, climb into bed with an electric blanket, and point my space heater straight at my face. 

And then I would get online and look at pictures of Cafe Rio.

It was a difficult place to live in the winter. 

The ten coldest counties in the country are all located in Minnesota.

And this week was no different, it brought back all my traumatic, frost-bitten memories.

So....

Josh's family,

I hereby invite all of you to kindly relocate to southern California. 

You're ruining my life.

Many thanks,

Paige

Josh's Star Wars Birthday Party

"Sometimes I wish I wasn't cursed with the ability to party plan. I mean why couldn't I just be a good for nothing fatso like the rest of the people in this office?" -Angela Martin

So true Angela. I wish that too.

We were going to be in Minnesota for Josh's 30th birthday, originally I thought we'll have to have everyone over for dinner that night. And slowly but surely my dinner party turned into a Star Wars themed party complete with toy light sabers. Josh HATES being the center of attention. On the day of his college graduation he was so grouchy! I asked him what was wrong and he said he hated that everyone was paying attention to him. So like the loving, caring, kind-hearted wife I am, I threw him an attention-seeking party in front of all his family and friends. Love ya babe!

The handmade invites with Josh's favorite Star Wars quote that he says to me in his Yoda voice about once a week

The food tags I made for all the food 

Josh's special number 30 cupcake. That he didn't even eat.

Pool noodle light sabers! Perfect for beating your sibling to death.

I put a bunch of cute Josh baby pictures out on the table. He was one cute kid.

My second sewing debut- threading letters. Wow. So very talented.

I neglected to get pictures of things like the actual party, and the birthday boy and all of the important stuff really. I guess Angela would be very disappointed with me. I might even get kicked off the party planning committee.

Confessions- Motherhood Edition

I confess that when I was pregnant I broke our bed. I was just laying in bed reading, not even moving, when I heard some cracking noises, and then bam- the bed broke in half and I went crashing to the ground. The piece of wood that broke was directly underneath me so there was no question that it was my enormous girth that snapped it in two. My self esteem has never recovered.

I confess that after numerous birthing classes when we learned we just needed to think of happy colors and mentally open our birth canal, this is what my childbirth experience ended up looking like-

Seriously I was so pumped and ready to have my baby in a stream while someone played the pan flute. Unfortunately it didn't quite turn out that way.

I confess that I refused to buy new underwear when I was pregnant even when my undies started to look like a string around a pot roast. I have about five pair of underwear that I only wear to the gym, I've had them since high school (gross I know) and I refused to accept that I needed bigger ones. One night I was changing into my work out clothes, I got my underwear on and I saw in the mirror reflection that Josh was doubled up, on the floor, literally crying with silent laughter at the sight of me in those underwear. At that point, I couldn't really tell what they looked like so I asked him what was wrong. It took him a few minutes to stop laughing long enough to answer, "They don't cover the top third or bottom third of your bum. They only cover a tiny strip in the middle." 

I confess that I was totally planning on cloth diapering until I saw this slideshow. And then I was like sorry about that mother earth.... How about I just donate to the Sierra Club or something and we'll call it even. 

I confess that I use motherhood as an excuse for daily Diet Coke consumption. Whenever someone in Relief Society makes a comment that caffeine is really just the tears of Satan, I'm like yeah that's adorable but my baby makes me really sleepy....

I confess that after I spent pregnancy basically planning my run for president of the Le Leche League and cramming statistics about breastfeeding down everyone's throat, the best day of my mother career this far was when our doctor told me I needed to quit nusing because Cooper wasn't gaining weight. We had a special appointment to do a weight check and see if Cooper was gaining enough because breastfeeding had been such a struggle and as I laid him on the scale I told him silently in my head, don't you dare have gained any weight. And he didn't. Thanks buddy! 

Now I'll say ten hail mary's and call it good. 

Happy Tuesday

Things that make me happy this Tuesday:

• It's spring break for Josh! Which means no three hour class tonight! Wahoo! 

• And also, Arrested Development of course because it's the best show ever. Unless you're a normal person, in which case you might not like it, but if you're weird, it's definitely the show for you.

• Magazines. Specifically food magazines. I love to look at pictures of food. Josh doesn't really know what pinterest is but whenever he sees me on it he says, "Oh, looking at pictures of food again?" Pretty much. I'm too cheap to ever buy magazines so I rent them from the library and last night I went and got like 20. 20 magazines and no books. I pretty much felt like an idiot at checkout. You know I realize I could finally read War and Peace but I'm just going to go ahead and look at pictures of food instead.

• When Cooper runs his fingers through my hair. Most of the time he grabs it and pulls it (this weekend my family was like why are you missing a chunk of hair?) but sometimes when he's drinking his bottle and he's all snuggled up in my lap, he likes to lay and stroke my hair. So precious.

• Google earth. I don't know if I should be happy about this wide scaled privacy invasion or not, but you have to admit, it's pretty cool. Josh has a job interview (it's just an interview, don't sound the alarm bells) in a place called Central City, Colorado. We're actually going to make a pit stop there on our way to MN for it (thanks guys for paying for part of our vacation...) I was feeling pretty nervous about the population of 581 (not that he has been offered it, or that we will for sure take it if he does) but thanks to google earth I have now clicked through the streets of Central City! And it's actually pretty adorable, it reminds me of Park City.

• Napping. Naps on my happy list?! I don't believe it either. But Cooper has been taking the best naps all week. They've all been about two hours long! I really don't want to jinx it but when he takes two two-hour naps a day, I don't even know what to do with myself- it's too easy! He likes to feed himself his own bottle (though I still sit with him because he keeps rolling onto his tummy and getting mad at gravity) and he plays by himself for little stretches, and now he naps too?! He might as well change his own diapers, I feel completely superfluous.

Poor buddy needs a little beer can hat for his bottle so he can play and drink at the same time.

• This one is kind of silly, but today I realized that Cooper has the perfect name. I was reading him a story and I asked him, "What do you think happens next Coop?" and he looked up at me like I don't know mom, I'm six months old and I don't talk yet. But it was the first time that I felt like he really knew his name and I just thought yep, it's perfect for you. I had like ten baby boy names all picked out before I got pregnant and never even gave the name Cooper a second thought, so it's kind of weird how he ended up with this name. But I love it. Coop, Coopy, Coop-Coop, Coopy-Coo, Poop-Face. (No, not really the last one....)

• Today our washing machine started making a heinous noise and my sweet Coop immediately looked at me with wide terrified eyes. Ha! I thought that was the cutest thing that he would hear a startling noise and immediately look at me like what's going on mom?

What a little sweetheart

Happy Tuesday!