A Comeback

I haven't been writing much on my blog in a couple years, partly because I've been writing some posts for becominglovely.com and partly because of some unfortunate responses to my writing that made me feel extremely self conscious about my words. But as I was looking back at previous posts the other day to see if Cooper had had as much trouble napping as Ruby has been having (the answer was yes) I realized that my blog is just for me anyway, and it was nice to read about what life was like at that particular point in time because I had already completely forgotten. So I am going to attempt to blog a little more regularly so that when I'm older and hopefully drinking a Diet Coke in some peaceful sunshine somewhere I can remember what my crazy/exhausting/funny days were like as a mother with young children.

As I was selecting a quote from this months chosen conference talk for our ward newsletter I came across this quote about the way we interact with social media-
"We portray an incomplete life- sometimes in a self aggrandizing or fake way. We share this life and then consume the almost exclusively fake lives of our social media friends. How could it not make you feel worse to spend so much time pretending to be happier than you are and the rest of the time seeing how much happier others seem to be than you?"
-Elder Quentin L. Cook "Choose Wisely" (If you're curious about the rest of the talk.)

It brought an immediate smile to my face. Just a few days ago I had mentioned to Josh what a hard time I was having trying to take care of a newborn while also giving Cooper the attention that he deserves. I cried as I told him I felt like all Cooper did was watch tv while I tried to get Ruby to sleep and I felt horribly guilty. Josh tried to comfort me by saying that all moms with multiple children and a newborn felt that way and I scoffed and said no, it's definitely just me. It then turned into a conversation about when we view others through social media we see only what that person has carefully crafted and selected for us to see. In effect we have all become our own public relations specialist and no wonder our reality appears inferior when put under comparison. This quote made me feel that it was acceptable, and maybe even preferential for me to be authentic on social media. More importantly it encouraged me to stop feeling judged about presenting my reality exactly as it is which is why I had been ignoring my blog for so long.

Anyway after that long winded introduction, let's talk about poop!

Not really, all is currently good on the poop front. Our household produces it in mass quantities.

We are currently trying to power through the final stretch of newborn-ness. Ruby is 9 weeks old and we have almost made it to the glorious 12. Things have already gotten so much better. She sleeps a 7 or 8 hour stretch at night. She smiles and laughs at you now, which I know motherhood is all about selfless sacrifice, but it sure is nice after a month of screaming to be greeted with a smile! Cooper has gotten over his initial three weeks of hating baby sister and hating mommy and hating everyone and has gone back to his cute, wild self and is now obsessed with baby sister. Seriously, he loves her and my heart explodes whenever I see him interact with her. The other day I was doing dishes and they were on the living room rug and Cooper kept going over to Ruby's bouncy seat and smiling at her and playing with her while no one else was watching and I almost died from sweetness overload.  I'm sure there will be lots of fights down the road when she gets big enough to mess with his toys but for now I am really enjoying their relationship.

This is Cooper going in for a kiss.

Cooper has become more independent the last 9 weeks. Something I thought wouldn't happen for years. He has now gone to nursery by himself for a whole month. I know everyone else's kids did that like a year ago but Cooper is my sensitive, timid boy and I didn't want to push him before he was ready. But now he goes to nursery, he gave up his bottle, and he plays by himself at the park! Part of me, the crazy part, is a little sad that he is growing up and wants him to need me for forever.

Cooper is still struggling with speech. The only words he says consistently are no and uh oh. This kid says no all day long and he usually makes it into a little jobberish song, "no ma no ma no ma no." I constantly have dreams that I find a special phone or some sort of device that lets me talk to Cooper and we have sweet little conversations where he tells me he's sorry it's so hard for him to talk. My poor sweet bud. His speech therapist said we can take him back in at 3 years old if he still hasn't added words (he can make all the sounds but he doesn't put them into words) so I'm sure we'll be back in speech therapy in August. One thing about his speech struggle is that Josh and I are glued to everything he says. When he throws a huge fit about something and screams, "NO!" Josh and I just sit there and smile at each other because we're so happy he's using a word. If he ever does decide to speak and I'm not enrolling him in mime school, I will listen in rapt adoration to every mundane thing he says. It always makes me sad when well-meaning people try to console me about his speech by telling me I'm "lucky" because their child never stops talking. I LOVE listening to children. And my greatest wish right now is to learn what's going through my buddy's head at any given moment. Hopefully one day Cooper will talk to me in real life and not just on a dream phone.

So right now I'm working on how to run errands by myself with the kids as Cooper is not used to walking beside me and holding hands and it turns out it is hard to chase him down the road while lugging a 30 pound car seat (ahem yesterday at the park.) I don't think Cooper would sit in a double stroller so I don't dare buy one just to have him refuse to sit in it (What's that? You know how to make your kids do something they don't want to do? I sure don't.) And I don't really understand the whole sit and stand stroller concept. Is there a mechanism that confines the stander? Or is that for children who aren't flight risks? For now, we spend a little more time inside than we used to. I'm glad it's winter we've been inside missing, instead of the summertime like when Cooper was born in August.

And I'm trying to figure out how to get Ruby down for a nap without struggling with her for hours first. You'd think having a newborn before would have made me somewhat less clueless about newborns this time around. I remember being constantly stressed out about Cooper's naps, I just relaxed about them not too long ago and now I'm stressed about Ruby's instead! Naps are life changing. They can make your day extremely wonderful or extremely horrible. One day the quality of my day won't depend on whether or not someone else has napped and it's going to be an odd sensation.*

*I seem to not comprehend that I'm not always going to be in the young children life stage. One day it was my turn to host our monthly mom's night out, we get together without our kids, eat food and discuss an article. My friend brought grapes and was asking me for something to put them in while I was distracted and talking to someone else. Without thinking I went and got the cutting board and a sharp knife and handed them to her to start cutting the grapes in half. She just stared at me and then I realized oh, I guess we're all adults here and don't need our grapes cut in half. It never occurred to me that not everyone halved all their grapes for a toddler.

And I'm trying to get back in shape after nine months of my baby forcing me to eat tater tots every night as a midnight snack. She made me do it guys. So that's super fun. :) :) :) Actually the exercise IS super fun for me, I am currently up to running 2.5 miles in just three weeks. But the dieting is totally horrible.

And I'm trying to figure out how to not have to give Cooper a bath in the baby bathtub every time I give Ruby one... (If I say no, he just strips his clothes off by himself and gets in anyway.)

So those are all my small, adorable conundrums at the moment in my new role as a mom with childREN. I still can't believe I have two kids! They are so exhausting and so cute and I love them to pieces.

Ruby on her two month birthday.

Cooper is obsessed with the concept of Easter baskets. Whenever Ruby cries he brings her her Easter basket because he thinks it will cheer her up. Sweet big brother.